Back in the Days
by JellyfishAttack00
Summary: The gang is back...as kids.  Read as the crew go about their struggles as kids in elementary school. WARNING: this story contains content that may be too cute for some.  Reader discretion is advised...whatever that means.  Chapter 1 and 2 revised.
1. Beat Up Hope

**This idea came to me today and I thought that it would be a sin to not share this with others. We all love the Final Fantasy XIII crew or else why would any of us bother to stalk the archive for stories? Anyhoo, I bring you the gang as kids in elementary school. To clarify things Snow, Fang, and Lightning are all six year old first graders. Hope, Vanille, and Serah are all five years old and in kindergarten. I realize that the age difference should be more but to make this story as cute as can be, I couldn't have Hope, Vanille, Serah be babies. As for Sazh...don't worry about him...for now. Enjoy.**

**-Disclaimer: This disclaimer pertains to the story in its entirety because I don't feel like retyping it every time. Nothing of Final Fantasy is mine...'nuff said.**

**Edit 12/20/2011: I thought I should make this clear that I don't have any malicious intent for any of these characters. You may interpret it as bashing or me just plain hatin' on a character, but I promise you it isn't so. Anything that seems hateful is purely circumstantial and will probably get resolved. This story is meant to be light-hearted and funny so I hope you take it that way. That is all.**

**Edit 12/28/2011: I tweaked a few scenes here along with a couple in chapter 2. To make this shorter on people who've read the original it's just the playground scene, the dinner scene, and an extra scene at the end. Hopefully you'll enjoy it.**

* * *

><p>-3pm Bodhum Elementary-<p>

"Lightning!"

Lightning turned her head to see a crying Serah frantically running towards her while clutching the back of her head. To Lightning, Serah looked like someone took her treasured stuffed moogle plushie and ripped the stuffing out right before her eyes. '_What happened this time?'_ Lightning thought as she sighed.

Serah stopped a mere three inches before her beloved big sister and continued to cry. This was possibly the worst day of her five year old life! As her tears subsided she looked up at her sister and opened her mouth to speak. "L-Lightning! Hope cut a lock of my hair after noodle pictures today! We weren't even allowed to have scissors!"

"Serah, I really hope that you didn't come here to ask me to-"

"Beat him up for me!"

"-do _that_. Serah, you know that I can't punch Hope."

"But why? You punch Snow _all _the time!"

'_That I do,' _ Lightning thought to herself. "Serah, Hope's just too cute for me to even think about beating up. And besides why should I even believe-"

Before Lightning could finish her sentence, Serah quickly turned around and dropped her tiny hands to her sides exposing the back of her head. In front of Lightning was a hideous sight to behold. It was as if Serah's head was going naked.

"-you…" _'I know Hope's a bit on the weird cereal killer side- wait, why do people even want to kill cereal? It's yummy, easy to make, and sometimes, if you're lucky, it comes with a toy! When I grow up, I'll make sure to put all cereal killers behind bars! That way all Chocobo Bits would feed the tummies of good kids like me!'_

"Light, you're just standing there!"

"I'm gonna get those cereal killers," Lightning mumbled to herself.

"Cereal killers? That has nothing to do with my hair! Though it might pertain to Hope…"

"Hair? What does hair have to do with any-"

Serah turned around once more to remind Lightning of her predicament.

"Oh…Yes Hope! I'm sorry but I still can't beat him up for you. Where's Snow?"

"Snow? Snow has nothing to do with _this_," said Serah venomously while thinking of ten ways to get back at Hope.

"I'd feel better if I beat up Snow. Then I'll tell him why I beat him up. Tomorrow Snow will go beat him up and after lunch you'll see a pathetic Hope limping back to class for arts and crafts time. That way you'll get your revenge and I won't have to do it. Trust me, my plan is full proof. Then again I can't imagine why my plan would go hungry…"

"I can't imagine why your plan would go hungry either! Lightning, sometimes you're too smart for me."

"I know I am. Now come on Serah, we need to find Snow."

The two sisters walked hand in hand into the sunset even though it was only 3:30.

* * *

><p>-5pm Bodhum play park-<p>

In the sandbox playing with PSICOM action figures, there sat Bodhum's notorious trouble makers. To offset the "trouble maker" title they were given, they deemed themselves Team NORA. In case you were wondering NORA actually stood for No Onions, Radishes, or Asparagus. Those were the three veggies the team refused to eat. Members of NORA included Gadot, Maqui, Yuj, Lebreau, and of course the leader had to be Snow.

At the moment the PSICOM action figures were in a heated battle against the evil forces of Pulse. Since none of these youngsters actually knew what the evil forces of Pulse looked like, they used a red painted moogle plushie to represent the baddies.

"And once again the hero saves the day," yelled Snow at the top of his six and a half year old lungs. The self-proclaimed hero had painted his action figure gold so that 1) he could actually remember which one was his and 2) his would be the mightiest of them all, just like the white moogle on Moogle Rangers.

"Snow you always win," Gadot complained.

"Yeah, and you won't even let us paint our PSICOM dolls," said Lebreau.

Before Snow could reply to the complaints about his heroism, a very angry Lightning stormed onto the playground while clutching a unicorn plushie sans the horn. Lightning had originally purchased the unicorn plushie with the intent of ripping off the horn because all of the other regular horse plushies weren't majestic enough. She refused to let her parents sew up the tear because she deemed it as "hardcore", a word she had learned just the day before. After weeks of stuffing falling out of the hole, Lightning finally relented and let Serah patch it up with duck tape. Although Lightning had no idea what a duck actually was, the tape had saved her plushie from inevitable doom.

"You," said Lighting pointing to Snow. "I. Need. To. Beat. You. Up."

"But why?"

"Don't worry, it's for Serah. Today at school, Hope cut off bunches of her hair. I mean, you should see it! But anyway, I need to beat you up because I can't beat Hope up. No worries, after I'm done smashing your face through your skull feel free to teach Hope a lesson. I would prefer if you got your revenge, on Hope mind you, tomorrow after lunch."

As if on cue, Serah finally arrived at the playground and stood beside Light.

"Serah, hold Odin." Lightning commanded. "And you might want to close your eyes."

"Please just make it quick!" Snow pleaded.

Cracking her knuckles, Lightning set to work. She grabbed Snow's hair and proceeded to punch him repeatedly in his left eye. To mix things up a bit, she poked him repeatedly in his right. She targeted his mouth next. She was very intent on knocking out a tooth. Moments later, she succeeded and placed the prized gem in one of her pockets. For good measure, she gave him a couple of slaps. A few backhands here and a couple of palms to the face there. Tired of using her arms, she resorted to kicking his arms fiercely. It was rather impressive. It couldn't even be explained. It was as if she defied gravity. Or rather, gravity couldn't control her. She ended her barrage of kicks with a few to his shins.

Looking back at her handiwork, Lightning decided she wasn't done yet. Although it was rather pleasing to see Snow huddled in a pool of his own saliva touching where his tooth once was, she knew more could be done. Jumping in the air, Lightning proceeded to pummel her opponent with an elbow to the gut. Now that her arms were back in action, Lightning decided to give Snow's another beat down. She selected the most noticeable part of his arm and punched him repeatedly, effectively giving him a charley horse. Four Indian burns later and Lightning was finally done with him.

"Not my best, but it'll do." said a huffing Lightning. She reached into her pocket and pulled out Snow's tooth. She then walked over to her backpack and pulled out a tiny envelope and placed the tooth inside. Once the tooth was secured, Lightning scribbled the letters IOU on the outside and threw the packet at Snow. "Show this to my mom. She'll know what to do."

Finally, she left the playground with her sister in tow.

"Man Snow, she got you good," said a bewildered Yuj.

"Yeah, I thought you were supposed to be the hero," said an equally surprised Maqui.

"I…am," said a thoroughly beat up and dejected Snow. "I am."

* * *

><p>-6:15 Farron household-<p>

Upon arriving home, Serah opened the door and yelled, "We're home mom…and dad!"

"Oh good, you girls are home…again. Why don't you both go and wash up for dinner." said Mrs. Farron. Upon closer inspection she noticed Lightning's hands. "Especially you Claire. I have a feeling you beat up that nice Snow fellow again."

'_Good thing she hasn't noticed my hair yet!' _thought Serah.

"Oh and Serah sweetie, your hair looks atrocious. What did you do, get caught in a tree? "

"Honey you're doing it all wrong," started Mr. Farron. "You talk to her as if she understands you. Try something more simplistic." He pointed to Serah's hair and said," You're hair bad. We fix tonight. Wash hands now. See you at dinner." And with that Mr. Farron jovially stalked off to the dining room table to finish his monthly issue of Man Cave.

'_What a douche. Whatever that word means…,' _thought Lightning as she went upstairs.

Meanwhile Serah was rooted to the floor trying not to cry. "I hate Hope." she mumbled to herself.

"What was that about hating Hope? What does he have to do with anything?" asked Mrs. Farron. "You're the one who got stuck in a tree. Hope is such a nice boy. Remember that bake sale he had in honor of his dead pet? What was its name again? Chewy? Chunky? Roadkill? Ah who cares, it's dead anyway. And remember that time when he helped fifty old ladies consecutively cross the street? His parents definitely raised him right."

"There you go again! Talking to her like she knows what you're saying," shouted Mr. Farron from the dining room table. "You should say something like this: Hope good. You stupid."

"I have a lot to learn." said Mrs. Farron.

* * *

><p>-6:30 dining room table-<p>

"Ah honey you make the best food. What is it?" asked Mr. Farron.

"I don't really know myself. I think it's duck."

"No," said everyone in unison. "We don't even know what that is."

"Aww family moment. We have so few of those. I can only recount two other times." said Mr. Farron. "You guys remember when we survived that nuclear disaster together? Once we were all cleared of contamination, there was a collective sigh of relief! And the other time was when we all decided to cook together. It was kind of weird when I saw that we were all cutting onions at the same time. But I found it very endearing that we all started crying at the same time. Good thing I had my camera that day. That's my favorite picture on the refrigerator. Those were good times."

"Anyways," started Mrs. Farron. "It was labeled 'mystery meat' at the supermarket. And you know me, I can't pass up a good mystery! That's why we got the box instead of the boat on that game show we were on."

"Good thing we already have a boat or else I would have divorced you." said Mr. Farron.

"What was that?" asked Mrs. Farron.

"Umm…I said good thing we already have a boat and I love you."

"Parents sure are weird." said Serah to Lightning.

"I wonder what it would be like if we didn't have parents." said Lightning.

"Hmm…my guess is that you would join the Guardian Corps, be cold and distant, and I would run off into the arms of Snow after becoming a L'Cie."

"A L'Cie? Enemy of Cocoon? Danger to us all? Why would you run off and do that?" Lightning asked. "And with Snow to boot!"

"Well, Snow's not such a bad kid." Serah defended.

"Enough dilly dallying you two! We have to actually eat this dinner before it gets cold and all. I mean, you never know what could happen to mystery meat once it gets cold. Because it's obviously mystery meat and not something familiar…" Mrs. Farron reprimanded.

"Yes ma'am." replied both the Farron sisters.

After a hearty dinner of mystery meat and nothing but mystery meat, everyone started to vacate the dining room.

"Dinner was nice and everything but I need to put the leftovers away before the mole people get to them. In a warm place though because it's mystery meat and everything." Mrs. Farron said.

"Wait!" Lightning exclaimed. "I need to take those to Fang and Vanille!"

"Those squirrels you keep talking about?"

Oblivious to the squirrel part, Lightning continued," Yeah! They live in my tree house you know. The least I can do is feed them. And besides, they're probably hungry."

'_I didn't know squirrels ate "duck".' _thought Mrs. Farron.

* * *

><p>-7:02 pm treehouse-<p>

"Say Fang, what do you want to do when you grow up?" asked Vanille.

"I wanna save Cocoon from impending doom." answered Fang.

"That's funny, it kind of clashes with what I wanna do."

"And that is…"

"I want to become Ragnarock and destroy Cocoon so we can go back to living on Gran Pulse."

"Hey! I thought that one was off the table!"

"A girl can dream can't she?"

You're probably wondering what's going on. Well you see, Fang and Vanille ask each other what they want to do when they grow up every day. They would switch up whoever would ask first every day too. Apparently Vanille had made it against the 'rules' to want to grow up and destroy Cocoon. As you can see, Vanille is a liar.

Shortly after overhearing the destroy Cocoon conversation, Lightning made her presence known. Ever since the duo started living in her tree house, she heard stories about them being from Pulse and how it was so awesome. But of course, none of that could be true. After all they would have been caught by the golden PSICOM warrior Snow keeps rambling about. _'Another Pulse joke.' _she thought.

"Hey guys. I brought you some food. Today was mystery meat."

"What is it, duck?" asked Fang.

"No it couldn't be. We don't know what those are?" added Vanille.

After taking a bite, Fang came to a conclusion. "Tastes like moogle."

A heartbroken Lightning looked towards her house and said, "M-Mom? Is that where our moogle went? Was the supermarket a lie?"

To fill in the blanks, about a week ago, Lightning's beloved pet moogle, Mog, suddenly disappeared. What really happened was Mrs. Farron was oh so curious as to what moogle meat actually tasted like. After Mog had peed on the carpet for the umpteenth time, she was fed up. She wasn't going to stare and wonder anymore. No, on that night Mrs. Farron took action. She dragged Mog to her secret underground storage facility, a woman cave one would say, and basically murdered Light's precious pet moogle. After successfully skinning said moogle, Mrs. Farron googled how to properly prepare a moogle. She found a recipe that required the moogle meat to marinate for a week. And as you've probably guessed, Mog was tonight's dinner.

"Eh, Mog tastes good." said Fang. "I really have to meet your mom one of these days and compliment her on her moogle cooking skills."

"Agreed," Vanille added.

A horrified Lightning said in her dad's simplistic speech," I sleep now."

"That's alright with me Sunshine." Fang said.

Snapping out of her shock Lightning asked," What was that?"

"Sunshine? It's a new word I learned today. It's completely opposite to what your demeanor is right now. So therefore, it's sarcastic."

"Fang sometimes you're just too smart for me," Vanille chimed.

"I know. Now let's go find those squirrels Mrs. Farron is always talking about."

They left hand in hand into the actual sunset to find said squirrels. A dumbfounded Lightning could only think about how that scene was déjà vu…whatever that phrase meant.

* * *

><p>-9:00pm Front Door-<p>

At the moment, Mrs. Farron was trying to solve an extreme Sudoku puzzle. Instead of nine numbers, there were eighteen. "Oh darn! I already put a twelve there. Maybe if I move the three I can fit a seventeen in there."

A sudden knock was heard at the door. Actually, it was a pretty small and insignificant knock. Mrs. Farron, having ears of steel and all, heard it nonetheless.

Setting her puzzle gently on the sofa, Mrs. Farron made her way to the front door. When she opened the door, she initially saw no one. Thinking it was the midnight milk man arriving early, she looked down to see if there was a jug of milk. To her surprise, she saw Snow looking up at her with all the hope of the world in his eyes. "Snow, what are you doing here at this hour? Isn't it your bed time?"

Without uttering a word, Snow gave Mrs. Farron a glass of milk with his tooth submerged in it along with the IOU envelope.

"Oh dear, did Claire knock out one of your teeth again?"

Snow nodded.

"Well come on in, I'll get you fixed up again."

* * *

><p><strong>So I hope you guys like the first installment of Back in the Days. Did you notice how smart yet so naive they are? I hope you figured out all of my references I snuck in there. Well...tell me what you think. Was...good?...bad?...too cute for words? So uh...don't be afraid to click that review button ya hear?<strong>


	2. Let's Actually Beat Up Hope

**If you read my latest edit for chapter 1 then you must know I tweaked a few scenes in this chapter as well. Them being the principal's office scene, a small part at lunch, and the fight between Snow and Hope. Enjoy.**

* * *

><p>-7am Farron Residence: Light's bedroom-<p>

The morning's light crept its way through Lightning's only window. She once had two windows, but that was taken away after the 'incident'. The still form of Lightning Farron lay peacefully atop of her unicorn blankets…sans the horns. You see all Light really wanted to be surrounded by were majestic horses. And so she took matters into her own hands when all the other horse comforter sets sucked in comparison to the one she is currently laying on. The day said comforter set was purchased, she grabbed the nearest fabric marker and 'erased' all of the horns.

Lightning had a strange way of sleeping. Instead of sleeping _under_ the blankets she so diligently 'perfected', she slept on top of them. She also went to bed every night with her arms and legs hanging off the sides. How did she do this? Well you could say she slept the wrong way. Yes, the great Lightning Farron did not know how to sleep properly on her bed.

From behind the window, a figure with wild hair stood snickering at the sight before her. Fang found it amusing the way that Lightning slept. Because of this, Vanille was always forced to wake up Serah. You see Fang and Vanille took it upon themselves to wake up the Farron sisters every morning as a 'thanks for letting us live in your tree house'. Naturally after having done this for so long, breaking into the Farron sisters' respective rooms was pretty easy.

Once inside, Fang started her normal 'wake up Lightning' routine. It was simple really. All she had to do was throw the acorns she found in the backyard at Light's forehead until she woke up. And just like she had predicted, Light woke up with her deadly glare she had practiced every morning.

"Oi, Lightning! You need to get up so you can race me to school today!"

When Light made no move to get up, Fang did something drastic. She swiped Odin from Lightning's arms and made a dash for the window. "You're gonna have to race me to get Odin back!" And with that, Fang began to make her way out the window.

Before Fang could fully make it out the window, Mrs. Farron busted through the doorway to Light's room and caught a glimpse of the squirrel pelt attached to Fang's attire exit through the window.

"Claire, how many times have I told you to not let those squirrels in your room? I don't care if they have names like Fang or Vanille; they always throw up acorns all over your room! Look at this place, it's a mess!"

In total, there were only five acorns strewn across the floor. But Mrs. Farron always exaggerated things to 'make a point'.

With a sigh, Mrs. Farron turned her gaze to the boarded up window and began to reminisce out loud. "Why'd you have to do _that_ Claire? I told you the next time you managed to do _that _I would take away one of your windows! And lo and behold, you only have one window!"

Lightning actually didn't mind having only one window. _'One less entryway for Fang and Vanille to get in my room_.'she thought.

Lightning begrudgingly decided to sit up when the events of this morning finally hit her. "Odin!" After realizing that her precious stuffed 'horse' plushie was plushienapped, Lightning hurried to get ready for school. She grabbed her uniform shirt with the giant 'L' on it, slipped on her khaki shorts, and rushed passed her mom to catch up with Fang.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

-7 am Serah's room-

Serah had not gone to bed last night. No, this poor tormented soul stayed up the entire night crying her eyes out. _'Dad lied about fixing my hair!'_

As if on cue, Mr. Farron bust into her room with something in his hand.

"Now Serah I know you probably don't understand anything I'm saying right now, but I'm still gonna try and voice out what I feel inside." After a short pause Mr. Farron continued, "Your hair worse. I fix now." He threw whatever was in his hand at Serah and promptly left the room.

Holding what was thrown at her Serah could only gape at it. _'This is how dad plans to fix my hair?'_ In her hands was a roll of really old bandages that she suspected him of finding in mom's not so secret 'woman cave'.

You see Serah was actually in collaboration with her mom on the plan to eat Mog. Actually everyone was in on it except Lightning. Nobody actually liked the moogle all that much except for Light. She suspected that the only reason why Lightning cherished the thing so much was because every time she took it to Snow's house, Mog peed on his carpet….and sometimes on Snow. But that's neither here nor there…whatever that phrase meant.

Lost in thought, Serah didn't see a chipper Vanille sneak in through her window.

"What 'cha got there Serah?"

Surprised, Serah frantically looked around her room to see where the voice came from. This action brought the back of her head into Vanille's line of sight.

"Whoa! What happened to you? It looks like you got caught in a tree and a squirrel helped you out by chewing off most of your hair!"

Vanille's exclamation made poor Serah bust out into fresh tears. "I hate Hope!" she whimpered.

"Hope? But he's such a good lad!" Vanille focused her gaze to the bandages in Serah's hands. "Oh good. You have something to fix your hair! Now you'll look like you got mauled by a bear instead of a squirrel. Though I'm not quite sure what a bear is…"

Getting frustrated with Vanille, Serah exclaimed, "Just help me put these on already!"

Fifteen minutes later, Serah exited her room wearing her 'S' uniform shirt, khaki shorts, and of course a bandage haphazardly wrapped around her head. Vanille exited wearing similar attire only her shirt had a 'V' on it and she wasn't sporting a ridiculous bandage on her head.

The pair walked down the stairs just in time to see a blur of pink rush past them and out the front door. Unlike Lightning, Serah and Vanille had enough sense to go and eat breakfast before they went to go catch the bus for school.

* * *

><p>-7:32 bus stop-<p>

Serah and Vanille arrived at the bus stop to see a very angry Snow giving Hope his best death glare. All in all, the scene looked more cute than sinister.

Hope, oblivious to Snow's angry gaze, happily chatted with the rest of team NORA.

"I hope they don't serve onions, radishes, and asparagus at lunch today." said Maqui.

"That's impossible!" exclaimed Hope. "That combination of veggies is deadly! They know better than to serve that to us cute, adorable, life-loving kids!"

"Agreed." said all of team NORA…excluding Snow.

Now Snow didn't agree because he knew that onions, radishes, and asparagus was indeed the menu for lunch today. For you see he had an inside source from the school to fill him in on the news…his mom. Yes, Snow's mother volunteers as a lunch lady three days a week.

Excited by the thought of conversation, Vanille made her way towards Team NORA and Hope. "Hey Hope! How's it goin'? You're such a good person, but I do want my scissors that you asked for the other day."

Overhearing the conversation, Serah turned around in time to see Hope handing Vanille those cursed scissors…that were made out of wood. _'Huh. I gotta give props to Vanille. Those scissors sure did a number on my hair. Wait a minute! What am I doing complimenting her? She was the one who gave Hope those scissors! She's just as responsible for why my hair looks like it was caught in a helicopter…whatever that is.'_

As if to prove a point, Serah lifted her hand and directed it towards Vanille. "You! You gave Hope those scissors!"

"Yeah…what about 'em?"

"What do you think happened to my hair, hmm?"

"I really have no idea. I think I said something about squirrels earlier. Now that I think about it, the word helicopter comes to mind…whatever that word means."

Right when Serah was about to spill the beans, the bus pulled up.

"Oh goody! C'mon Serah, let's get on," said a chipper Vanille while dragging a defeated Serah up the steps.

Once on the bus, Vanille sat Serah next to her. Out of the corner of her eye, Serah saw some ants come out of her friend's backpack. "Vanille! Your backpack is leaking ants!"

"Oh shoot. I guess I didn't put enough pesticide."

Since both Fang and Vanille live in Lightning's tree house, they're dirt poor. Everything they have is handmade from the organic material in the Farrons' back yard. Vanille's backpack was made out of the twigs and leaves from the tree she lives in. Heck, they even mastered the art of making paper! Their pencils are made out of bark and grass; every time they wrote something, the words came out green. To offset the ants' natural attraction to nature, Vanille made it a point to put pesticide on everything they made. Apparently, she didn't put enough this time.

Pulling out a can of 'Pest-Off', Vanille proceeded to spray her 'backpack' with the stuff. The mist effused throughout the bus and everyone, including the bus driver started to choke and gasp for air. Naturally the bus started to swerve.

A frightened Serah looked out the window only to see Lightning chasing after Fang. The bus suddenly made a sharp swerve and almost hit the duo. Serah saw that Lightning and Fang were oblivious to the situation and continued their race to school. _'Maybe I should start walking to school from now on…'_

* * *

><p>-7:50 sidewalk next to swerving school bus-<p>

Lightning was close on Fang's tail and reached out an arm to tug on her Odin plushie. She missed it by mere centimeters, but that didn't mean she came out empty-handed. She had managed to grab hold of Fang's squirrel pelt.

Noticing the difference in weight, Fang suddenly stopped. "Give that back Light!"

"You first!" with that Lightning stuck her tongue out at Fang and dashed passed her towards the school. She made it to the school gates and stood triumphantly while watching Fang's form come closer.

Once she got close enough to Lightning, Fang tackled her to the sidewalk. "Give me back Mr. Dead Squirrel or I'll…" Fang actually didn't know what she would do if Lightning refused. Certainly beating her up would do no good because Light would probably beat the teeth out of her!

"Or you'll what Fang?"

Provoked by Light's smug remark Fang shouted, "Or else I'll bite you!"

Just then, Hope hopped off the school bus. Still in a daze he started walking towards the pair on the ground. "Next time I'll open a window when Vanille decides to debug her backpack…" Hope mumbled to himself. He looked up to see Fang lunge towards Lightning's arm with her mouth wide open. "Noo! She's going to bite Light!" Wanting to save his idol from harm, Hope wedged himself between the two and offered his arm to Fang's mouth. "Take my arm instead!"

Hope's sudden intrusion caused Fang to be slightly confused. "What?"

Noticing Fang's confusion, Lightning snatched Odin from her tiny tan hands and made a run for her classroom.

"Hey! Get back here!" shouted Fang. Fully intending to chase her down, Fang was stopped short when she noticed Hope holding her leg down.

"I won't let you hurt Light!"

"Oi! I wasn't going to do anything!"

"Really?"

"Yes really!"

"Oh…then I guess you can go now." said Hope as he let go of her leg.

Satisfied that her lie actually worked, Fang went to retrieve Mr. Dead Squirrel.

* * *

><p>-8:10 Mrs. Bresha's classroom-<p>

Lightning put her backpack in her designated cubby and put Mr. Dead Squirrel in Fang's cubby, which just so happens to be next to hers. "Now, what am I going to do for twenty minutes?"

Just then a huffing Fang enters the room dramatically and says, "Give. Me. Mr. Dead Squirrel. NOW!"

"Chill out Fang. I put it in your cubby just now."

"Oh…well what do we do now?"

"I have some coloring books in our backpack."

Now Fang doesn't have a backpack of her own. She decided to share one with Lightning instead of going with Vanille's idea. The backpack that Light had chosen was, of course, a unicorn backpack with the horn blackened out by a permanent marker.

Fang dug into their shared backpack and pulled out the coloring books Light mentioned. "Hey Light, these drawings kind of look like the ones Vanille was working on. Come to mention it, the paper looks like ours too."

"They are. Vanille gave them to me two days ago saying that I might want to color sometime. All the pictures in the coloring book are of majestic horses, so I couldn't say no."

"Fair enough."

And with that, the two started coloring.

"I wonder what's for lunch." pondered Lightning.

"Beats me. Just as long as it's not onions, radishes, or asparagus."

'_Speaking of lunch…'_ thought Lightning. "I am kind of hungry. I didn't eat any breakfast today."

"I thought you might be, so I stuffed some of last night's dinner in our backpack for you."

"M-Mog?"

"Either you eat it or I will."

Lightning turned her head to stare at their backpack. "Well, he did taste good last night…"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

-8:10 Principal's office-

"Now Vanille, I know these bus incidents have been happening for some time now and that you've pinned the blame on Lebreau every time. Normally I wouldn't say anything and just go ahead and punish Lebreau, but this is the fiftieth time that it's happened since you started coming here. I'm only gonna punish you for the bus incident because pinning the blame on Lebreau is actually a smart idea."

"I'm sorry Mr. Estheim," started Vanille. "But I honestly didn't mean for the bus to go out of control…again. And besides, the bus driver should learn to bring a gas mask so he can do his job better! You sure you don't want to believe that Lebreau did this? Because she totally did. I mean, I didn't really confess. I just told you Lebreau's confession."

"Actually," Mr. Estheim started. "You have a point there… about the bus driver. Well I guess you're free to go then. Sorry for wasting your time. Please send in your friend, Serah."

"Will do Mr. Estheim," said Vanille as she exited his office.

As soon as Vanille walked out the door, Serah went to her side and asked, "Did you get off the hook?"

"Sure did. But Mr. Estheim wants to see you now."

Serah's eyes widened as she stammered out, "M-Me? What did I do?"

"I don't know. You should ask him." With that, Vanille skipped off to her classroom.

After her friend left, Serah worked up enough nerve to walk into the principal's office.

"Ah Miss Farron, have a seat."

"Um…if you don't mind me asking, what did I do?"

"Well you should know by now but I guess I'll tell you anyways. Bandages are not allowed on people's heads while on campus. I'm going have to ask you to remove it."

Begrudgingly, Serah removed her bandages and turned around to place them in her backpack.

"Etro! What happened to your hair?"

"I really don't want to talk about it…"

"By the Sanctum Fal'Cie, put those bandages back on child! Just forget I said anything about it. Oh and just so no one else asks you to take them off, here's a principal's pardon." said Mr. Estheim as he handed her the slip of paper.

Serah looked at the paper that was handed to her and it read:

Dear Staff of Bodhum Elementary,

This girl looks atrocious without her bandages on. I mean it looks like a pack of wild moogles munched off her hair! Do not and I mean don't even think about asking her to take them off.

Yours Truly,

Principal Estheim

P.S. I am serious when I say that the back of this girl's head is not a sight that you want to look at.

'_At least it'll get people to stop bothering me about my hair…' _thought Serah to herself.

"You may go now Miss Farron."

After Serah left, Principal Estheim decided to take care of other business. He called his secretary and asked her to bring in both the bus driver and Lebreau to the waiting room.

"Please send in Mr. Bus Driver first."

Once Mr. Bus Driver was inside his office, the questioning began.

"So, what's your name? I'm growing tired of referring to you as Mr. Bus Driver."

"It's Lame sir."

"Nonsense, nobody's name can be that bad."

"No really, it's Lame."

"C'mon just tell me already! It's either that or you'll pick up a very specific load of rowdy children for a week!"

"Sir, my mother named me Lame."

"Oh, well then. On to the next topic of discussion. Would you say you're prepared when you pick up your busload of children every morning?"

"Yes?"

"Then can you explain to me why this is the fiftieth time that you've failed to wear a gas mask?"

"It's not part of the job description sir!"

"Well it is now."

"Where am I supposed to get a gas mask?"

"Figure it out! Now get out and send in Lebreau."

Once Lame was gone, his presence was replaced with Lebreau. Now Lebreau already knew why she was here. Vanille had lied again. And it worked…again.

"Just hurry up and give me two weeks of silent lunch."

"Well, it seems we both understand each other. But since this is the fiftieth time that this has happened, I feel a more special punishment is in order."

"What do you mean?"

"You'll still have those two weeks of silent lunch, if that's what you're worried about, but you're also banned from the bus until you've learned your lesson."

"How am I supposed to do that when I'm not even the one spraying pesticide?"

"Figure it out! Now go to class. I hear Mrs. Bresha is playing a movie today."

Sitting alone in his empty office, Mr. Estheim smiled to himself. "That's how you get things done."

* * *

><p>-11:30 lunch room-<p>

"NOOO! Say it isn't so! I-It can't be!" Team NORA exclaimed in unison…except for Snow.

"I'm sorry guys, but it is what it is," remarked Snow. "Today we're having nothing but onions, radishes, and asparagus for lunch today."

"But Snow, you're the hero! You have to save us from this!" the rest of Team NORA pleaded.

"That is exactly what I plan to do my friends! I'll be back with real food before you know it!"

Five minutes later, Snow had successfully infiltrated the lunchroom kitchen and had his eyes set on the ten chocolate pudding cups placed upon the counter. "Aha! Something that we can actually eat!" Using as much stealth as he could manage, Snow nabbed all ten cups of pudding and a bag 'o mystery that was beside the cups. Satisfied with what he obtained, Snow stealthily made his way back to his friends.

"Team NORA, we are saved from today's gross lunch." shouted Snow while he held all ten pudding cups in the crook of his arm and the bag 'o mystery in his other hand.

Next thing they knew, each member of NORA was handed an apple and an orange.

"Hey, what gives Snow?" protested an upset Lebreau.

"Yeah, I thought we were each gonna get two pudding cups!" exclaimed Gadot. "And if nothing else, me and you could have split them!"

"Hey! I did the hard work of bringing you guys something good to eat," defended Snow. "You guys should be thanking me! A hero deserves to eat all ten cups of this probably delicious pudding! Now come on, we need to find a table outside."

"Sorry guys, this is where I have to leave. I have silent lunch again." said Lebreau.

"Again?" asked Maqui.

"You really need to stop starting to bus incidents Lebreau." said Yuj.

"Yeah… I know."

A dejected Team NORA ,sans Lebreau, and a jovial Snow walked outside and found a table occupied by Hope, Vanille, Fang, Serah, and Lightning.

"We're sitting with them today," proclaimed Snow. He walked purposely towards the seat in front of Hope and sat down.

At the table, many conversations were already underway. Lightning and Fang were talking about how they accidentally beat up Hope last Halloween. Serah was trying to convince Vanille to use a less toxic pesticide. And Hope was talking to himself about the latest addition to his hair collection.

Now those of you wondering about Hope's conversation, it was mentioned earlier that Hope was a weirdo. You see, instead of being one of the normal kids who sat in the middle and talked about Moogle Rangers, Hope sat in the back of the class and chewed on other people's hair. He decided that chewing on people's hair was so yummy that he needed some for on the go. Sure he has bunches of hair stuffed into his cubby, but he never thought about keeping some in his pockets. That's why every now and then he has to cut a snippet of a random person's hair to satisfy his need.

While Hope talked to himself, Snow kept glaring at him while he ate his well-deserved pudding. He could've eaten pudding for the rest of lunch if it hadn't been for Light's sudden demand.

"Snow! Give me eight of your pudding cups!"

"B-But why? I managed to sneak these out from the kitchen all by myself!"

"I need them." was all Lightning had to say for Snow to surrender eight of his pudding cups.

Once Light had all eight cups in hand, she gave two to Vanille, two to Serah, and kept the last four for herself.

"Hey, what about me?" asked a jealous Fang.

"What about you?" Lightning asked as she stuffed her chubby cheeks with pudding.

"But I'm your bestest friend! And you gave those two some." said Fang while pointing at Serah and Vanille.

"Well Fang, if Snow would have nabbed twelve pudding cups I would have given you some."

"There's a number bigger than ten?" Serah asked in wonder.

In her frustration, Fang snatched Snow's last pudding cup for herself.

"What am I supposed to eat now?" asked Snow.

"Well, you don't need to eat anymore. In fact, I think you're supposed to do something to Hope right about now." said Lightning.

With renewed anger, Snow grabbed Hope by the collar of his uniform shirt and dragged him to a clearing. "Because of what you did to Serah, Lightning beat me up at the play park yesterday for a full hour! A whole hour Hope!"

Now that he stopped to look, Hope noticed that both of Snow's eyes were black and he had bruises along his arms and jaw. _'Ouch! Those Indian burns must've hurt real bad!'_

Without warning Snow kneed Hope in the face.

At that moment, Hope started to drift off into another world filled with seemingly random flashbacks. _'Is this what happens when people are about to pass out? Or is it when they are about to die?'_

Hope was brought back to when he was three years old. It was the day his father decided to take him out for ice-cream.

"_What flavor would you like son?"_

"_I want vanilla dad!"_

"_Alright, I'll be back in a jiffy."_

_A few minutes later, Mr. Estheim came back with a double scoop cone. There was a chocolate scoop on top of a vanilla scoop._

"_I only wanted vanilla dad. You know I don't like chocolate ice-cream."_

"_Son, in this world, you've got to work for what you want. If you want that vanilla, you gotta work through that chocolate."_

"_Yes sir." 'I should have known.'_

That initial flashback had triggered another flashback to when he was two.

"_Hey son, what kind of cookie do you want?"_

"_Chocolate chip dad!"_

"_Alright, I'll be back before you can say the word dexterous."_

"_Dexta… Dexter… Dextamer… Dextames… De-"_

"_Told ya I'd be back" said Mr. Estheim as he handed Hope a whole jar of cookies._

"_Dad, these are all macada… macadan… macadamia cookies! I wanted chocolate chip!"_

"_I know son. There's a single chocolate chip cookie at the bottom of that jar. You gotta work for what you want. And that means eating all those macadamia cookies first."_

"_Yes sir." 'I saw this coming!'_

Finally, the flashback of when he was two brought him back to when he was one.

"_Hey Hope! Do you want chocolate milk or regular milk in your bottle?"_

"_Goo goo."_

"_Ah heck, I don't even know what you're saying. Here, drink this one." said Mr. Estheim as he handed the chocolate milk to his son._

_After drinking some of his contents, baby Hope hurled the milk out of his mouth with a sound of disgust._

"_Now Hope, there's something I want to teach you. And I'll continue teaching you this for the rest of your life. You gotta work for what you want. So you gotta go through the chocolate milk first if you want the regular one."_

"_Goo goo."_

'_Huh. I guess this is what it feels like to be unconscious.'_

Just then, Hope felt another knee to the face from Snow. He could have sworn that the fabric of Snow's khaki pants had fused with his cheek.

'_Nope. I'm still very conscious.'_

I guess now's a good time to mention the dress code. All students attending Bodhum Elementary must wear a navy blue shirt that has the first letter of their first name in giant print on both the front and back. All girls are required to wear khaki shorts. Girls are not allowed to wear both khaki pants and skirts. If a girl is caught wearing khaki pants, an administrator will cut them into shorts form. If they are caught wearing khaki skirts…they will be sent home. Boys on the other hand are only allowed to wear khaki pants…with the exception of Hope. Hope wears shorts…

While Hope was getting beaten to a pulp, the faculty watched in horror.

"Principal Estheim, your son is getting the shorts beaten' right off of him." said a random staff member.

"Oh he probably did something weird and deserves it." said a calm Principal Estheim. _'Good boy. He's working for it. Though I'm really not sure what for. It isn't like that time he held a bake sale for his dead pet. I certainly wasn't going to pay for the funeral. Or that time when he helped fifty old ladies cross the street for his Moogle Ranger Cadet badge. I certainly wasn't going to hand him a badge for helping just one old lady let alone forty-nine. This time, I'm really not sure what he's getting himself beat up for. It must be important.'_

* * *

><p>-12:15 arts and crafts room-<p>

Just as Lightning had predicted, by the time Snow was done with Hope he could do nothing more than to limp to class.

Seeing that her sister's plan didn't go hungry, Serah decided to let Hope off the hook.

"Nice to see you Hope." she said. "How are you feeling? Oh and you might want to get some new shorts too."

"I want to cry…"

Serah pulled out a video camera and said, "Well, go ahead and do it."

-3:15 Light's room

'_Today was an interesting day at school' _thought Lightning. _'Now that it's over, we need something to do…' _Suddenly Light remembered the mystery box under her bed. Her mother had placed it there claiming that it would hide the box from the mole people.

'_I guess we could do that.' _Lightning thought to herself. "Where are those long trench coats dad always wears at night?"

* * *

><p><strong>Well that was chapter 2 in all its glory. Don't be afraid to, you know, <em>review. <em>Until next time...**


	3. A Rock Concert

**Well guys, here's another cute installment of Back in the Days. I must warn you though, if you have problems with the word 'mine' you have officially been warned. Oh and Sazh...well, you'll see.**

* * *

><p>-3:45pm Farron household: living room-<p>

"Okay guys, after waiting a whole 30 minutes, mainly because Hope limps too slow, you're all finally here," Lightning started. "I know what we're going to do today. In my hand is a box-"

Lightning was interrupted by the dramatic entrance of her father. "I'm glad you kids are all here," started Mr. Farron. "It has come to my attention that you kids speak weird. That is why I have _this_ to fix it," Mr. Farron exclaimed as he held up his monthly issue of _The Children Speak. _He opened the magazine and began to read to himself, "Children from ages five to six should be able to speak somewhat complete sentences and understand most of what their parents say…"

After a noticeable pause, Mr. Farron looked up at the group of kids. "This is nonsense," he shouted. "You kids should only know…five words! The five words you can use are mine, mine, mine….mine and mine."

Unbeknownst to anyone else, Fang's heartbeat began to quicken. _'Mine…'_ she thought. _'Mine is an excellent word. In fact…'_ "Mine!" Fang shouted as she punched her fist into the air.

Just then she punched Snow in the stomach and shouted "Mine!" once more. Moving on to Hope she continued her "Mine!" rant as she punched his face through the wall. Finally setting her gaze on Lightning, she leapt into the air and shouted, "Miiiiiiiiiiine!" and tackled her target to the floor. Once all three of her victims had fallen, Fang dragged them all to the middle of the room and proceeded to tie the trio together with a rope that Mr. Farron had supplied. Satisfied, she sat next to the bundle of kids and said, "Mine."

After hearing all the ruckus, Mrs. Farron made her entrance. Oblivious to the fact that Lightning, Snow, and Hope were all tied together in the middle of the room, Mrs. Farron turned her gaze to the two girls she didn't recognize. "I've never seen you two girls before, what are your names?" asked Mrs. Farron.

"Oh, I'm Fang and that's Vanille," answered an out of breath Fang.

'_Fang and Vanille…those names sound familiar.'_ "Doesn't ring a bell, nice to meet you girls." And with that, Mrs. Farron made her exit.

"You there," said Mr. Farron as he pointed to Fang. "You do good. I proud."

"Dad…just hurry up and leave please," said an annoyed Serah.

"You're always disrespectful to me." Mr. Farron complained. "Your hideous haircut serves you right. But, of course, you wouldn't understand what I'm saying." After speaking his mind, Mr. Farron left to go join his wife in the 'woman cave' to work on tonight's dinner.

"Well, I guess I should get you guys untied," said an energetic Vanille.

As she approached the tied up trio with her wooden scissors, Fang let out a low growl and said, "Mine."

"Aw Fang, but we need them! How about I leave you just one of them," said Vanille trying to compromise with Fang.

Untying Lightning and Hope, Vanille left Snow tied up for Fang.

Getting up, Lightning dusted off her khaki shorts and continued where she left off. "Anyways, in this box 'o mystery lies six tickets…to a rock concert!"

"How'd you get tickets to a rock concert?" asked Vanille.

"My mom won them on a game show."

"But we're only five and six years old Lightning. How are we supposed to get inside?" asked Hope.

"Well for one thing, Hope, you're not going. I only invited you here so I could tell you that. And as for your question, we're gonna go to _his _house today."

"The cool third grader from down the street?" asked Serah.

"Yes, we're going to see Sazh."

* * *

><p>-4:30pm Sazh's house-<p>

Since Sazh's parents went to the opera today, he was left all alone with nothing to do but watch cartoons. You see Sazh was 'the cool third grader from down the street' as Serah had put it. He would occasionally let the little ones use his pool and watch his 60 inch television. Now Sazh was a neutral sort of kid. The only thing that got a reaction out of him was his only weakness, cartoons.

While he watched cartoons Sazh pondered to himself, _'I wonder when those kids from up the street are coming over. I have a feeling that they're gonna be here in…now.'_

As if the laws of the universe wanted to prove him right, a small knock could be heard.

'_Huh. My prediction was strangely accurate today,'_ thought Sazh as he went to open the door. When said door was fully open, he was greeted with the sight of none other than Lightning, Vanille, Serah, and Snow giving Fang a piggyback ride…while he was tied up. A question formulated in his head. "Where's Hope?"

"He got the shorts beaten' off him during lunch today. Since he's in such a weak and pathetic state, I didn't want him coming with us," Lightning answered.

"Oh. So what can I do for you guys today?"

"We need you to get us fake ids for the rock concert we're going to today."

"Uh…no thanks. I'm just gonna go back inside."

As he was about to shut the door, Lightning wedged her tiny foot between the opening. "Wait a minute Sazh! I have the complete boxset of Moogle Rangers Power Force Five season four…cartoon edition."

"Y-You what?" _'I should of known that she'd come here with my only weakness! You're gettin' too old for this! Just say no and-' _"Okay, but someone has to draw the pictures and I have to go with you guys."

"Well of course you're going with us Sazh! That's why I made Hope stay behind," said Lightning.

"But I thought-"

"Nope, I made him stay behind so you could go. After all, we do have six tickets."

"Okay. So who wants to draw the pictures then?" asked Sazh.

"Oh! Pick me!" exclaimed an excited Vanille.

"Well, come on in guys."

As expected, all five guests headed straight for the 60 inch T.V. mounted on the wall.

"Man if only we all came in our swimsuits, we could have used the pool," said Fang.

After hearing this, Sazh whipped his head around to voice his disagreement. "Nuh uh! Last time you two used my pool, there were all sorts of yucky bugs in there for weeks! Who told you to go ahead and use vines as a swimsuit?"

"But we're poor! And strangely very resourceful…" said a despondent Vanille.

"I don't care what your reasons are. You two are not going back in my pool until you guys have _normal_ swimsuits! Why don't you steal Leabreau's or Light's or something?"

"Don't you dare touch my swimsuit," said Lightning in warning to both Fang and Vanille.

"Fine, I guess we'll just use our birthday suits." said Fang.

"That's even worse! You'll kill my pool's good juju with your cooties!"

"Hey Lightning, what's a birthday suit?" asked a puzzled Serah.

"I'll tell you when you're seven."

* * *

><p>-4:50pm Sazh's room-<p>

"Vanille, are you done with the pictures?" asked Sazh.

"Almost. I have to scratch out the horn on Light's.

When Vanille had volunteered to draw everyone's picture for the fake ids, she didn't realize how difficult it was to draw someone's face. So she decided to draw animals instead. Fang's picture was that of a rabid moogle. Serah's was a naked hamster. Snow's was intentionally left blank. She drew a stick figure for herself. Sazh's was a cool cat. Last but not least, Lightning's picture was of a-

"Hurry up with those pictures Vanille!" shouted an impatient Fang.

"Sorry, Light's unicorn took a little work."

With one final stroke of her crayon, Vanille finally finished. "Alright guys, here they are!" said Vanille as she passed them out.

Everyone was somewhat satisfied with their ids…except for Snow.

"How come everyone has a picture but me?"

"I wanted to draw a bear on yours, but I don't know what those are. So I left it blank. Don't worry, I don't think anyone will even notice."

Still sad that he didn't get a picture, Snow decided that complaining more wouldn't get him one.

"Alright guys, let's call a cab," said Sazh as he whipped out his parents' landline. "Hmm. I wonder what the number for the taxi service is…oh yeah! It just has to be 1-800-TAXI!" Sazh dialed the ridiculous phone number, and surprisingly, a taxi service did answer.

"1-800-TAXI, how may I help you?" politely asked the man on the other end of the phone.

"Uh…I need a cab to come here."

"Where exactly is your location, sir?"

'_Oh shoot! What is my address?' _"Umm…I need a cab sent to the cool kid down the street's house, which is mine by the way."

"Uhh…are you Sazh?"

"Yes that's me!"

"I knew it was you little man! Why didn't you say so from the beginning? Anyways, I'll have a cab sent to you right away."

"Oh thanks. Bye now." _Click._ "Alright guys, let's wait outside."

"Wait!" exclaimed Lightning. "We need to be in disguise. I brought two of my dad's extra-long trench coats! I was thinking that three of us could be in one trench coat and the rest in another."

"Lightning, sometimes I just think that you're too smart for all of us," said an admiring Serah.

"I know, but now's not the time to go walking into the sunset. We're going to a rock concert, remember?

* * *

><p>-5:15pm outside of Sazh's house-<p>

"Come on guys, the cab is here," said Serah.

"Just act natural," commanded Lightning as they walked up to the cab.

"So where are a couple of really tall girls heading to tonight?" asked the cab driver.

"We're going to a rock concert," said Lightning in her best adult voice.

"So where's this rock concert?"

'_Oh chocobo bits! What was that address? Oh! It should be on the ticket!' _ Upon close inspection of her ticket, Lightning found that she couldn't read most of it. "Just take us to… 123 Moogle Lane!"

"That's two hours from now, but as long as you got the cash I got the gas."

'_Eww, gas.' _thought both the Farron sisters.

* * *

><p>Meanwhile…<p>

-5:15pm Farron residence-

"Hope, you're such a good boy," said Mrs. Farron.

Now you're probably wondering, why is Hope still there? He actually would have left when everyone else left, but Mr. and Mrs. Farron kept praising him for no reason. He thought it would be rude to just leave.

"Yeah, you're such a good boy," added Mr. Farron.

"Sweetie, I already said that."

"But why can't I say it too?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Farron," started Hope. "There's no need to be fighting over who said what about me first. I'll be glad to hear you both say the same thing _any_ number of times. Now if you wouldn't mind me asking, where's Serah's room?"

"It's up the stairs to the right with the naked hamster poster on it," said Mrs. Farron. "To be more specific, it's right next to Claire's room which has a poster of a unicorn on it without its horn. Speaking of Claire's obsession with horses, I took her with me to one of my pottery classes and she made this wonderful, majestic unicorn. But as soon as it dried, she broke off the horn. I'm starting to think she has a unicorn horn collection or something."

Feeling that he hadn't spoken much, Mr. Farron decided to voice his random thought. "Ah Claire. Good thing you didn't name her Éclair."

"Yeah," agreed Mrs. Farron. "That's something you eat. But then again in French-"

Hope decided that since the conversation wasn't about him, he could make his escape to Serah's room with relative ease. Once fully inside her room, Hope went straight for her dresser. He opened the top drawer and pulled the prize he was looking for, her hair brush.

Gathering all the hair in the brush, Hope began to make his way downstairs. As he passed Light's room, he felt a chill run down his spine. _'I wonder what the inside of Lightning's room looks like. It couldn't hurt…but wait! I'd feel like such a weirdo if I went inside.' _Breaking from his thoughts, Hope noticed a piece of paper peeking out from under Lightning's door. He picked it up and began to read it.

Dear Hope,

The more I got to know you, the more I felt that this situation would occur. If you set foot into my room, not only will you become a bigger weirdo than you already are, the Boogey Man will drag you under my bed and eat _your _hair. Yes, the Boogey Man lives under my bed. I've met him a couple of times. Why do you think the mole people can't get under it?

Sincerely,

Lightning Farron

P.S. I can't actually spell most of the words on this letter, so I had my mom do it for me.

After 'reading' the letter in its entirety, Hope thought to himself, _'Even though I don't understand what most of the letter said, it sure did give me a feeling of impending doom! I don't think I should go in Light's room after all…'_

* * *

><p>-7:15pm 123 Moogle Lane-<p>

Surprisingly, 123 Moogle Lane was the exact location of the rock concert that was going on tonight.

"Okay girls, that'll be 250,000 gil."

The two sisters looked at each other and said, "That's all the gil we have!" Reaching into the pockets of their trench coats, they pulled out Fang and Vanille's hand made gil.

After counting the right amount of gil, the taxi man turned and said, "Well, everything seems to be in order. Have a nice time at the concert girls."

Soon after the little munchkins left the cab, the driver decided to flip the bills to the other side. To his horror all of them read: This is not real gil. _'This is what I get for driving two strangers, which were most likely six kids in two trench coats, to a rock concert.'_ Seeing that his two non-paying customers gave him the slip, the taxi driver drove off to give someone else a ride. _'Hopefully I'll get a customer that will actually pay me.'_

Noticing that they were late, Lightning and Serah made Snow and Sazh run to the line. Once they made their way to the ticket master things started getting weird. Snow started his pee dance, Fang began to sneeze, Vanille scratched at the poison oak on her leg, and Sazh broke out in a scream because Vanille kept rubbing her poison oak leg on his face. All in all, the situation was getting _very_ weird.

"You two wouldn't happen to be six people would you?" asked the ticket master.

"Aw shucks. We were found out," said the gang as they filed out of the trench coats.

"Just to let you know, we're all old enough to be here," started Lightning. "Here are our ids."

Taking the ids, the ticket master saw that they all read 'I'm old enough to be here' and that each one had a picture of a weird animal on it…except for one. _'Must be a bear,' _he thought. "So long as all of you have tickets, I guess I can let you in."

The gang all did their individual victory dances and handed the ticket master their tickets.

"Enjoy the show folks."

Once inside, everyone had different reactions to the stimulants in the room.

Serah covered her ears and yelled, "Light, it's too loud in here!" Sazh bopped his head and tapped his foot to the beat. Lightning scowled at the many smells assaulting her nose. Vanille just stood there, itching away at her poison oak. Movement was limited for Snow, for you see, he was still tied up. Not long after, he got swept away by the crowd. And Fang. Fang felt the inner beast within herself awaken.

Still being swept away by the crowd, Snow tried to find a way out of said crowd. Finally he saw that a bunch of people were clearing a space amongst themselves. _'Oh good,' _he thought to himself. _'There's room for me to stand over there!'_ Poor, innocent, Snow hopped happily towards the soon to be pit of doom.

The people around Snow began to chant, "Mosh pit! Mosh pit!" Poor, naïve, Snow did not know what a mosh pit was but started to chant with them anyway. "Mosh pit! Mosh pit!" he shouted.

All of a sudden both sides of the crowd converged together, leaving Snow in a sea of pain. One person in particular took an instant liking to beating him up. Snow thought the assailant looked like a beast. They had wild hair and bloodshot eyes. He could have sworn that claws grew from their fingers. Razor sharp teeth showed themself as his attacker viciously growled at him. _'I don't think I like mosh pits…'_

Worming his way back to his group of friends, Snow saw Fang chatting amicably to Lightning about her mosh pit experience. _'She doesn't look like she got punched a lot…'_

"Oi, you should of seen it Light! Right in the middle of it all was this stupid blonde kid who thought it was a smart idea to tie himself up!" Fang exclaimed. "I taught him a lesson."

"It was you!" said a sniffling Snow.

"What did I do?" asked a puzzled Fang.

Before Snow could voice out his frustrations, the members of the band interrupted his speech.

"Looks like we have some very special guests!" said the lead singer. "These youngsters over here are the ones that won our tickets on that one game show. Although I could have sworn it was that odd Farron couple… Oh well. Get up here kids."

Without needing any further prompting, all six friends scurried their way to the stage.

"Tonight, you six kids are going to make the music," said the lead singer as he handed each child a microphone. "You each get a microphone and you can play whatever instrument you want."

Lightning sprinted to the lead guitar and Sazh smoothly made his way to the bass. Snow managed to inch his way to the drum set and because the keyboard was too large for Vanille, Serah shared it with her. This left Fang, center stage, all by herself with her lone microphone.

Looking back at the others, Fang felt this animalistic instinct start to take over. She looked down at her mic and said, "Mine." If this one mic was hers, surely the rest were too. Quickly, she made her towards each and every one of her friends and plucked their mics right out their hands… in Snow's case, his mouth.

Once back at center stage Fang began to say, "Mine. Mine! They're all mine!"

At the sound of Fang's amplified voice, the gang started to play their respective instruments surprisingly well. Heck, even Snow managed to knock out a good beat.

Once the 'band' began to play, the crowd repeated Fang's chorus, "Mine. Mine! They're all mine!"

Thinking they wanted her microphones, Fang shouted back, "No. They're not yours. They're all mine!"

And once again, the crowd repeated her lyrics, "No. They're not yours. They're all mine!"

Getting frustrated, Fang lined up all five microphones and started the sacred 'binding' ritual she learned while on Gran Pulse.

While Fang was doing her dance, Lightning took it upon herself to unleash an awe inspiring guitar solo that could make the Fal'Cie themselves cry in admiration. Serah and Vanille played an 80s style keyboard rhythm that harmonized with Light's solo. Sazh just continued to play his soothing beat. And Snow…he decided to use his feet instead of his face because he started getting dizzy.

Fang had finally finished her binding ritual and said, "There, now no one can take them from me ever again." And with that, the song ended.

* * *

><p>-11 pm Farron residence-<p>

For those of you wondering how they got home, once the concert had ended the gang found themselves in a predicament. 1-800-TAXI had refused them service, and they had run out of Fang and Vanille's fake gil. They started to walk home, but then the PSICOM pulled up next to them. Apparently PSICOM's vehicles are way faster than taxis because the gang made it back home in just forty-five minutes.

Once inside, Snow began to voice out his questions. "Hey Light, what are trousers? I meant to ask at the concert, but I forgot."

Wondering why Snow chose to ask that question? It's simple really, the band that played at the concert were called Trousers on My Head.

Before Lightning could simply answer him with 'trousers were the same things as normal pants in another world', Mr. Farron dramatically entered the living room and interrupted her.

"Trousers? Did I hear someone ask about trousers? Those are poor people pants!" exclaimed Mr. Farron. "I'm sorry kids. I forgot that you don't understand me. Let me rephrase that. Trousers for poor. You not poor. Don't wear trousers. Oh and since you guys got home so late, you missed dinner. Hope didn't though. He was such a smart boy and decided to stay with us."

As if on cue, Hope poked his silver locks out of the dining room entryway and said, "Hey guys. I was wondering when you'd get home."

Puzzled, Lightning asked, "You're still here? I thought you left after we did."

"Your parents wouldn't let me leave Light! Etro knows how many times I tried to leave."

"Well, since you're all here, you should all sleep over. In fact, I won't let any of you leave unless you do," said Mr. Farron as he bolted the front door shut. "See you kids later." And with that he retreated to his wife's 'secret' underground facility to help with the surprise they were working on.

"I guess we're having a sleep over." said an unenthusiastic Lightning.

* * *

><p><strong>The gang in a sleep over? Even I can't wait to read that! Well, as always, don't be afraid to abuse that review button.<strong>


	4. The Sleep Over

**You know, I've had this chapter on my computer for a long time. I could tell you the story about how a dragon raged through my house and stole my internet and a Chinese warrior later hung a Chinese calendar in its place, but that doesn't make up for not posting this sooner. I originally planned to have this as two chapters, but I didn't feel like it. I combined both chapters, and I lengthened it to just under 6,000 words. Hopefully you all die…from laughter. Enjoy. Oh! I don't hate Hope or have anything against him. Unfortunately, he will get beat up a lot along with other characters.**

* * *

><p>-11:10pm Farron Residence-<p>

"Well, since it's already late, I say we break night." Lightning suggested.

"We can't break night because then the day would go on forever!" exclaimed a distressed Serah.

"I meant we should stay up late Serah…"

"Oh. Well then, continue."

"I was pretty much done. Does anyone else have something to say?"

"I do." a mysterious voice cut in.

The children turned their attention to the entrance of Mrs. Farron's, not so secret, underground storage facility to see Lightning and Serah's parents emerge with delectable treats in hand.

"Do any of you kids want…Eidolon Pops?" asked Mr. Farron.

"What are those?" the kids asked in unison.

"Well, you see, me and the misses here decided to make these oh so delicious treats for you all out of the kindness of our parenting hearts. According to _The Children Speak_, children like sweets. Needless to say, you all should enjoy them." said Mr. Farron while holding six Eidolon Pops.

'_Wait a second,' _thought Serah. _'There're only six of them! That means one of us won't get one…but who?'_

"Let's start with you." Mr. Farron said.

'_Surely Snow won't get one.'_

"Here you go Snow," Mr. Farron started. "It breaks into two. I call them the Shiva Sisters. For some reason, it seems like you deserve two."

"Gee willikers Mr. Farron! Thanks a bunch! I'll call one Stiria and the other Nix." said a grateful Snow.

'_So I was wrong, but surely Lightning won't get one. She only likes rice flavored ice pops.'_

"Here you go Claire. Knowing your preference for ice pops, your mother and I made this special rice flavored one for you. This one is called Odin and resembles that plushie you like to drag everywhere."

"Heavens to Betsy, you finally remembered something about me! Thanks parents!" said Lightning.

'_No need to get disgruntled, he hasn't passed them all out yet. Sazh definitely won't get one because he's way older than us!'_

"Here ya go Sazh. You get one because you have this aura of cool about you. It's as if you live down the street or something. I call yours Brynhildr."

"Etro love a duck! Thank you Mr. Farron!" exclaimed Sazh.

Once half of the Eidolon Pops were distributed, Serah began to get desperate. Her reasons for why the others shouldn't get one started to get ridiculous.

'_Fang can't get one because her teeth are too sharp! She'll bite right through her hand!'_

"Here you go Fang. Although I've only met you today, I feel that you should have one. The feeling of dirt poor radiates from you. It would be wrong of me to refuse you an Eidolon Pop. I present to you, Bahamut."

"Shut my mouth and call me Sally! You sure are a saint Mr. Farron!" said an overjoyed Fang.

'_Calm down Serah, there's still two left. Now I know Hope won't get one because…'cause his hair's not normal! What normal kid has silver hair?'_

"Ah Hope. You were always my favorite out of my girls' group of friends. You're such a good boy. And so I present to you, the most normal named Eidolon Pop, Alexander."

"Solid Jackson Mr. Farron, you da man!" exclaimed Hope.

'_It's down to me and Vanille. She can't get one because…there's only one left!'_

"And finally here's one for you, Vanille. I call yours Heca…ta..ca..da... Hold on I gotta get this right. I call yours Hecaton…ca?"

"Dear you named it Hecatoncheir. Remember?" said Mrs. Farron.

"Ah yes! Yours is called Hecaton…ca…er? Ah, whatever, just eat it!"

"Good golly! Thanks a million Mr. Farron! I'll call it Hecaton for short." said Vanille.

'_Oh no! They're all gone!' _thought a dejected Serah. "Where's mine dad?"

"Ah yes, you. I've got something extra special for my youngest daughter." Reaching into his back pocket, Mr. Farron pulled out the "special" treat. "Here, it's a juice pouch." said Mr. Farron as he tossed it to Serah.

In her hands was no juice pouch. The truth was, while Mr. and Mrs. Farron were working on the Eidolon Pops, they forgot all about Serah. There was no time to come up with a new Eidolon, so Mr. Farron thought of the next best thing. Right when he had finished passing out all of the treats, Mr. Farron quickly remembered the freezie he was saving for himself in his back pocket. Expecting it to still be frozen, he pulled it out to find that it was the opposite of frozen. It was in fact very warm. Not one to be taken as a fool, Mr. Farron blurted out the first thing that came to mind. And that is why Serah is now holding a "juice pouch".

"Dad, this is a melted freezie! And it's banana flavored. I hate bananas."

"Nonsense! It's definitely a juice pouch. And I swear by the Goddess Etro, I saw you eat a whole pack of bananas last night! I was thinking all about you when your mother and I made these. Well kids, I've done my job. If you need me I'll be in the…kitchen?" Mr. Farron didn't bother to wait for them to acknowledge what he said. He simply left to the…kitchen?

Now everybody sat there munching on their respective Eidolon Pops, well, except for Serah. Fang was the first one to finish. True to Serah's ridiculous excuse, Fang's teeth were so sharp that she finished hers within a matter of seconds. She almost bit through her hand, but just almost. It was there that Fang sat with her hand in her mouth when she looked up to see Mrs. Farron wearing a moogle apron. This seemed to jog her memory.

"Ah Mrs. Farron, I forgot to tell you." started Fang. "Your moogle cooking skills are wicked! That moogle was slammin'!"

"Oh? You've tasted my moogle?"

"Yeah, Lightning brought some up to the tree house."

Just then, Lightning's ear twitched at the conversation. Bolting up right, she pointed an accusing finger at her mother. "So it was you! You killed Mog!"

"Oh dear! Oh dear! I said nothing!" Mrs. Farron said frantically while waving her hands in front of her face. Sweating profusely, she retreated to the woman cave.

Still in shock, Light just stood there eating her rice flavored Eidolon Pop.

* * *

><p>-11:30pm Kitchen-<p>

Once everyone had finished the treats Mr. Farron provided, they moved into the kitchen to tell scary stories. They all thought that the most ominous place to be was in fact the kitchen. All seven of them were gathered in front of an open fridge. The fridge was open because, one, it provided a dim light and, two, a cold chill emanated from it.

"It was called, the Neochu." started Fang.

"Why was it called the Neochu? What is this story about? Are you sure you're starting at the beginning Fang?" asked a puzzle Lightning.

"Yeah, this definitely doesn't sound like the beginning. What color is it? Does it have eyes? If it does, how many? Tell me the exact length of its teeth…in yards." exclaimed Hope.

"What's the white cell count of this Neochu? Does its fur grow 35 centimeters every month? Does this type of creature grow a thicker coat in the winter? Does it even have fur? Well, Fang, does it?" asked Sazh.

'_Great Scott!' _thought Serah. _'If I don't ask a question, I'll seem like a loser!' _"Does it have a tail?" she asked.

An eerie silence settled upon the group. Lightning was the first to speak.

"Of course it has a tail, silly. You shouldn't have even opened your mouth." said Lightning.

"Did that squirrel take out a chunk of your brain when it ripped out your hair?" Vanille sarcastically asked.

"Serah, you're starting to sound like a loser." Hope chimed in.

"What about Snow? He didn't even ask a question." Serah said trying to defend herself.

"Unlike some people, he was smart enough to keep his mouth shut." Lightning stated.

Fang cut in before they could make fun of Serah further. "To all of your questions, I don't know! Well, all of your questions except for Serah's. Of course it has a tail. Everyone knows that."

"Well, since Fang is so terrible at coming up with scary stories, I think I'll cut in." started Vanille. "It was called the Neochu."

"Wait a minute! That's exactly what I said!" exclaimed Fang

"There's an obvious difference in her story." Lightning began. "You sounded like you were about to end the story, whereas Vanille sounded like she was just beginning. There's no need for us to ask questions because we know we're going to get answers."

While Lightning was explaining to Fang why Vanille's story was superior, Mr. Farron decided to make an appearance from the laundry room. In his hands he carried what seemed to be broken dishes.

'_These kids are at it again. When are they going to learn to speak their age?' _thought Mr. Farron as he walked towards the group sitting on the floor. Deciding to let his presence be known Mr. Farron said, "Hello children. I couldn't help but to overhear you all speaking intelligently."

"Dad? I thought you were in the kitchen somewhere, perhaps in a cabinet or the freezer. Why were you in the laundry room? I thought mom washes the clothes." said Lightning.

"Oh Claire, you're completely right. Your mother does wash the clothes, but sadly I'm in charge of washing the dishes. You see, in that room I just came from there's a machine that does the same thing as the machine in the kitchen but better, or so I thought. I put the dishes in there and they did come out clean." Mr. Farron said as he held up a pile of broken dishes. "They just didn't come out looking the same as they went in. By that I mean they're all broken. And since you probably didn't understand what I just said Serah, I'll simplify it. Washing machine for clothes. Dishwasher for dishes. Dishes now all broken. Who wants to help me superglue them together?"

Thinking it was similar to an arts and crafts activity, all of the children quickly raised their hands.

"Alright then. Why don't you all go wait in the living room while I go and fetch each of you your own individual superglue sticks. I should warn you all that this stuff is dangerous and should be kept away from your eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. Possibly hair as well."

* * *

><p>-12:02am Living Room-<p>

"Where's Mr. Farron with those superglue sticks?" asked Sazh. "We've been sitting here for seven whole minutes!"

As if on cue, Mr. Farron arrived with a basket full of broken dishes and superglue sticks. "Sorry I'm late kiddos. I had to explain to the misses why all of the dishes were missing and why I needed seven superglue sticks. Apparently a story about ducks and turtles was enough to confuse her. Although I have no idea what ducks or turtles are. But if my hunch is right, they're closely related to the tortoise. At least the turtles are; I still have no idea what ducks are."

Shortly after Mr. Farron's pathetic excuse as to why he took so long, each child had their own superglue stick and pile of broken dishes. Once the children began working, Mr. Farron thought about his decision to give _every_ child a glue stick. "Hmm." Mr. Farron started. "Claire, I think you should take Serah's glue stick. I feel that she's too young to have one right now."

"Too young? You gave Hope and Vanille glue sticks!" Serah cried.

"Yes but they're probably two days older than you or something. Wow, that sounded much better in my head. Anyways back to the point. Give Claire glue stick. You too young."

Defeated by her father's _logic_, Serah reluctantly handed her glue stick to Lightning.

"Now Serah, don't look so sad," Mr. Farron started. Reaching into his back pocket of endless wonders he continued. "Here, you can use these melted gummy moogles to piece your plate together."

Being the little geniuses that they are, the children pieced together their broken dishes in record time. Although they may be geniuses, they're still kids. Something bad was bound to happen.

Sweating from his hard work, Snow lifted his right arm to wipe off the sweat from his brows. In the process of doing so, he brought the superglue stick across his eyes. As he tried to open his eyes to look at his plate, Snow found his attempts futile. _'Hmm, this is weird. It seems my eyes have stopped working. Yes, this is the only possible solution as to what is happening right now. Etro I sounded muy inteligente. Making up languages is a good start Snow.'_

Without his vision, Snow simply sat there and complimented himself repeatedly…in his new language.

Finding the situation unbearable, Hope finally decided to do something about that irritable boogie in his nose. Raising up his right index finger, he began the boogie removal process but stopped midway through. _'Wait a darn tootin' minute. I don't want anybody actually seeing me put my finger up my nose. I've got to hide it…but how?' _He suddenly thought of a fool proof idea. _'I have a glue stick! I can use it to hide my finger. It'll be in front of my nose, so when I stick my finger up there, nobody will see me picking it!' _ Putting his plan into action, Hope placed the glue stick near his nose but was momentarily distracted. Instead of shoving up his finger as he had planned, he mistakenly shoved in his glue stick. _'Oh my…what have I done? Not only did I fail my mission, but now my nose hurts worse than when I got the shorts beatin' off of me! I had to wear pants the rest of the day! Etro, I hope I don't have to put pants on my nose!' _

Hope just sat there, not knowing what to do with the super glue stick shoved up his nose. He's a good boy, but that doesn't make him smart.

Now Fang just couldn't put her plate together. She was having a hard time trying to put the pieces in the right place. Placing the super glue stick she held in her mouth, Fang contemplated a way out of her predicament. _'Maybe I can see how everyone else is doing it. Let's see…besides Vanille, Light is the smartest person I know. I'll see how she's doing with her plate.' _ Fang turned her head to see the most horrible sight she's ever seen. Lightning was already finished with _two_ plates. _'Oh no! Lightning's way ahead of me! I've gotta figure this plate thingy out now! Okay, Fang, you can do this.' _With new resolve, Fang randomly shoved pieces together and, surprisingly, they fit. She continued at this pace, all the while fiercely gnawing on the glue stick with her sharp canines. _'Okay, now to actually glue them together!' _She attempted to remove the glue stick from her mouth…with no results. _'Oh Goddess Etro, why? Just when I got the hang of the plate thingy too…'_

Was it mentioned that although Hope isn't too smart, Fang isn't the brightest either? Well, now you know.

About to start on her third plate, Lightning took a moment to admire her work. _'Etro, I'm awesome. Yup, that's exactly the word that describes me. Although the persistent itching in both of my ears have been bothering me for a while now. I should take care of that.' _Feeling a little embarrassed about sticking both of her index fingers in her ears, Lightning resorted to using both of the glue sticks she was given. Needless to say, you can guess what happened next._ 'Aw fiddlesticks! Not again! Why does dad even let me have these things?'_

You see, Lightning is notorious for not being able to handle super glue sticks. Something bad always happened to her. Once, she even super glued her foot to the floor. It was very painful. And you'd think she would have learned from her mistakes.

As you know, Sazh is the cool third grader from down the street. He only finished half a plate. It wasn't because his intelligence could be compared to Fang's (not so bright), but because he's a laid back guy. Why should he rush things when taking his time is so much more pleasant? _'Ah, I've got that darn itch again. Maybe I should stop letting things live in my hair.' _Thinking it would be much more effective, Sazh lifted the glue stick to the itchy patch of his scalp. And what do you know, it got stuck. _'This is why you shouldn't take the easy way out.' _Sazh thought.

There's not much to be said here. Sazh joined the rest of the numbskulls in their torment.

'_Man this is hard!' _thought Serah. _'How on Cocoon am I supposed to stick these pieces together with melted gummy moogles? The plate would just break apart in seconds! Sometimes I think dad's on the same intelligence level as Fang. Maybe someone is willing to lend me their super glue stick…' _Serah brought up her head and turned to the rest of the group. "Is anyone done using their glue-"Before she could finish her sentence, Serah saw a glorious sight. In front of her were the tormented souls of Snow, Hope, Fang, Lightning, and Sazh. Yes, it was a wonderful sight indeed. _'They finally feel my pain…sort of. I feel much better about my hair now.'_

"Did you say something Serah?" asked Lightning.

"I think she asked for a glue stick." Hope chimed in with a nasally voice.

"You can use my glue stick Serah. Just guide me with your voice." said a blind Snow.

"Mmph mmh mmmmm!" was Fang's attempt at words.

"You guys did something stupid with the super glue sticks too?" asked Sazh as he tried to pull out the glue stick from his hair.

"What? I can't hear anybody because I have glue sticks in my ears!" Lightning yelled.

"Hey guys, I just finished four plates. How many do you guys have- Whoa! What happened here?" asked an inquisitive Vanille.

"Well," started Hope in his nasally voice. "I think it's fairly obvious what happened. We were idiots. 'Nuff said."

* * *

><p>-12:17am Underground Storage Facility (Woman Cave)-<p>

After putting the final touches on her latest project, Mrs. Farron went to retire for the night.

'_I'm so glad I finished the F-Bomb today. Oh dear, it's getting late. I should get the children to bed now.'_

Emerging from the woman cave, Mrs. Farron found her way to the living room.

'_I expect that the man of the house has everything under control. Yup the sight that will eventually reach my eyes will be that of an orderly household.'_

Things never go the way they're planned.

Mrs. Farron was horror stricken. The sight of Lightning with two glue sticks in her ears was terrifying. Never mind all the other children that were in a similar situation, Lightning was more important.

"Claire, what did I tell you about using superglue sticks? After the last incident, you were forbidden from ever using them again. Heck, even before the last incident you were forbidden! Do you remember that Claire? Remember that day when I found you hanging from the fan because you super glued your fingernail to it? You were so sick to your stomach that by the time your father got you down, you threw up on his hair! Do you know what happened to that puke Claire? It ran down your father's shirt and into his pants. For a month, he was convinced his favorite pair of undies were ruined. That meant for a whole month your father did nothing but read _daily _issues of _Man Cave _and watch nothing but recordings of the Moogle Bowl. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"What? Did you say something mother?" asked a deaf Lightning.

"Oh, so this child wants to get smart with me? That's it Claire, you're getting the punishment of a lifetime!" said Mrs. Farron.

Before she could issue any extreme punishment, Mr. Farron cut her off.

"Wait! It wasn't her fault! I let it happen." admitted Mr. Farron.

"Wait a minute, you were here when this happened?" Mrs. Farron asked.

"Yeah, dad was here the whole time." Serah piped in.

"So from what Serah said, you were here the whole time and did nothing to stop this? What were you doing while this happened?"

"Well you see… I was reading the weekly issue of _Woman Cave _and I was just about to pick out the tile for your facility."

With that excuse, all was forgiven.

"Okay, that makes sense, but how are we going to fix this?"

"Well that's easy for Sazh. All he has to do is cut out the glue stick from his hair." said Serah.

"And end up like you? Serah, when that squirrel viciously chewed off your hair, you looked like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch down! There's no way my hair is going to look like yours!"

"Sazh has a point Serah." said Vanille. "Mrs. Farron, isn't there a way you could help them out without torturing them?"

"I was just going to pull out the glue sticks and hope for the best; but since you asked so nicely, I could get that glue stick remover solution I was working on a week ago."

With the help of Mrs. Farron's invention, the children were set free from their torment and sent to bed.

* * *

><p>-12:30 Upstairs-<p>

"Let's see. We need to decide who sleeps in my room and who sleeps in Serah's room." said Lightning.

From downstairs Mr. Farron yelled, "Remember girls, no boys in your room except for Hope. He's the only exception."

"Snow, Sazh…you guys are gonna have to sleep in the guest bedroom down the hall." said Lightning.

"That's no biggie Light! We'll be just fine." said Snow confidently.

"Do keep in mind that the air conditioning is broken in that room. So it might get a bit chilly. Oh and if you hear your specific name being whispered, it's only the pipes in the walls. And one more thing, if you feel something touching you, it's only the gravitational forces pulling the lint from the ceiling."

"Um, is there anything else we need to know?" asked Sazh.

"Stay away from dark portals beckoning you to come closer."

"What did you say?" asked a frightened Sazh.

"Er, my dog died in that room?"

"What's a dog?" asked Snow.

"Good night Snow. Come on Fang, let's go to bed."

"Wait! Light, I want to go with you too!" exclaimed Hope.

"Fine, but you have to sleep under the bed!"

'_I bet I can find some of Lightning's hair under there.' _"That's fine with me Light!" said an overjoyed Hope.

"I guess you're going with me Vanille." said Serah. "Good night everyone!"

* * *

><p>-12:35am Entrance to the Guest Bedroom-<p>

"This is it I guess." said Snow.

"Yup, well you first Snow." said Sazh.

"What? No way! You go first!"

"Why do I have to go first?"

"You're older!"

"That's not a reason!"

Suddenly the door opened on its own and both Snow and Sazh found themselves being pushed into the room. When they were both in, the door slammed shut and locked.

"I guess that solves our problem." said Snow.

"You said it." said a trembling Sazh. "Lightning wasn't kidding when she said it'd be cold in here."

"So which side do you want to sleep on?" asked Snow.

"Um, I uh-"

Before Sazh could answer he heard a mysterious whisper emanating from a dark corner.

"_You want to sleep on the left side Sazh…"_

"I want to sleep on the left side Snow."

"Oh, that's cool. I'll just take the right."

As Snow went to the right side of the bed he was stopped by the sound of a whisper emanating from yet another dark corner.

"_You want to sleep on the floor Snow…"_

"You know what Sazh…I changed my mind. I'm going to sleep on the floor now. Good night-"

"_Don't say good night to Sazh…"_

"What was that Snow?"

"Uh…good night…myself."

"Oh, okay. Well then good night-"

"_Don't say good night to Snow…"_

"Good night…Aunt Hilda."

After what seemed like 9.5 minutes a dark portal opened in the wall and beckoned to Sazh and Snow.

"_Sazh. Snow. Come through this portal and join us…"_

"Snow, I think we're going to be up all night."

* * *

><p>At the same time…<p>

-12:35am Serah's Room-

It was way past her usual bedtime, but Vanille couldn't go to sleep just yet. So she turned over and decided to see if Serah was still awake.

"Serah, are you awake?" whispered Vanille.

There was no response.

Poking Serah's bald spot, Vanille asked again. "Serah, are you awake?"

"Yes, I'm awake Vanille." said a grumpy Serah.

"Oh good. There's something I've been dying to tell you."

"What is it?"

"I heard from Fang and Lightning that Mrs. Bresha dropped the F-Bomb during class three days ago!"

Suddenly feeling way more awake Serah sat up and turned to Vanille. "What? She dropped the F-Bomb? No way!"

"Way." said Vanille.

"But why?"

Before Vanille could answer, Mrs. Farron busted through Serah's door.

"Who dropped the F-Bomb?" asked Mrs. Farron.

"Mrs. Bresha did." stated Vanille.

"That's impossible. I just finished it before I put you kids to bed!" exclaimed Mrs. Farron. "You see, the F-Bomb is composed of fluorine. Fluorine is the most reactive element in the periodic table. It reacts with hydrogen at -253°C to produce a strong explosion. If Mrs. Bresha dropped the F-Bomb during class, everyone in that room would have been highly injured."

"But mom, even if the explosion is strong I think only the people in close proximity of the explosion would be injured." said Serah.

"Ah yes, that would be true if it wasn't in the form of a bomb. For you see I've made the F-Bomb so powerful that the radius of the explosion is 15 square miles. When I said highly injured, I meant those kids would be obliterated. And Mrs. Bresha wouldn't be alive to tell the tale either."

"Ah shucks Mrs. Farron. I meant to say Mrs. Bresha said the F-word during class. I guess I was just influenced by the slang of my generation." said Vanille.

"Oh…well just forget everything I've said about an F-Bomb." said Mrs. Farron.

"How do you expect us to do that?" asked Serah.

Mrs. Farron sighed. "I was hoping it didn't have to come to this."

Putting on her sunglasses Mrs. Farron proceeded to pull out her Forget Everything I've Said ray and blasted both Serah and Vanille.

"Good night girls." said Mrs. Farron to the now fast asleep duo.

Making her way out of the room, Mrs. Farron stopped at the stairs and looked toward the guest bedroom.

'_I hope those boys are okay. I'm sure they did remember…"_

* * *

><p>At the same time…<p>

-12:35 Lightning's Room-

"Hey Hope, I'll show you mine if you show me yours." said Fang.

"No way! Yours is probably gross!" said a horrified Hope.

"Nuh uh! I washed my hands."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Well since I washed my hands beforehand it shouldn't be gross! And besides, if mine is gross, yours is just as icky!"

"Fine, on the count of three. One…. Two… Three!"

On three both Fang and Hope pulled out the pictures they drew from behind their backs.

"I guess you were right Fang. Your picture is clean."

"What were you expecting?"

"I don't know, bugs, pesticide or maybe dirt."

"Why would you think that?"

"You live in a tree house!"

"All right you guys, knock it off!" yelled Lightning. "Hope, hurry up and get under the bed and Fang, you're only allowed to sleep on the bottom corner of my bed."

"But Light, you don't even use most of your bed!"

"I said the bottom corner Fang."

"Fine." said a defeated Fang.

"Good." said Lightning. Turning perpendicular to the bed, Lightning proceeded to go to sleep on top of the covers with her limbs hanging off the sides. _'I feel like I forgot to do something.'_ thought Lightning as she drifted off to sleep.

Within minutes, Fang was also fast asleep. Unlike Lightning, she fell asleep _under_ the covers. After all, for Fang, it's not every day she got to sleep under a real blanket.

Hope was a different story. He was too busy collecting Lightning's hair to go to sleep. Unbeknownst to him, a trap door was slowly opening under Light's bed.

"Ah!" screamed Hope as he felt someone grab onto his leg.

"Who are you? Let go of my leg!"

"Hope? It's me."

"Mr. Farron? Are you the Boogey Man?"

"The Boogey Man? Pssh! That's preposterous! I'm just pulling your leg." _'Heh, literally.' _thought Mr. Farron. "Anyway, you should get back to sleep. See you at breakfast!"

'_Maybe I should get some sleep. I'll finish collecting Light's hair later.'_ Curling up into a ball, Hope fell fast asleep.

It was thirty minutes later that Hope found himself jostled awake.

"Mr. Farron let go of my leg. It's not funny!"

"You must have me mistaken boy. I'm not Mr. Farron. I'm who you might call…the Boogey Man." said the actual Boogey Man.

"Mr. Farron I said it's not funny." said Hope as he pulled his leg back.

Grabbing both of his legs the Boogey Man proceeded to say, "Not funny huh? Turn around and see for yourself."

Hope turned his head and was horrified. He was in fact looking at the Boogey Man who, at the moment, was pulling his legs into a dark portal that was on the wall.

Once he was halfway through the portal, Hope became desperate. "I'll do anything you want! Just let me go!" he cried.

"Anything?"

"Yes anything!"

"Mention this incident at breakfast."

"At breakfast? Why?" asked a puzzled Hope.

"You'll see."

"And if I don't?"

"The next time you go to bed I'll pull you through this portal and you'll become my slave for all eternity!"

"What does being your slave for all eternity entail?"

"Oh, you know. You would have to wash my clothes, wash my feet, do hard labor…"

'_That doesn't sound too bad.'_

"And wear pants!"

"I don't want to wear pants for all eternity! My legs will be too hot! It's a deal Mr. Boogey Man! I'll mention this at breakfast."

"Good. Sleep boy. You'll have an interesting breakfast ahead of you."

* * *

><p>-9:32am Dining Room-<p>

"I don't know about you guys, but I slept well." said a fully rested Fang.

"Me too." added Lightning.

"I don't know. Vanille and I were talking before we went to breakfast and we both agree that it feels like we forgot something." said Serah.

"I can't put my finger on it, but I feel that your mom had something to do with it Lightning." said Vanille.

"I was told by the Boogey Man to mention my experience last night." said Hope. "Last night I was sleeping when all of a sudden something pulled at my leg. I thought it was Mr. Farron again but no, it was the Boogey Man trying to pull me through a dark portal."

At the mention of a dark portal, both Sazh and Snow stiffened.

"Hope, you got nothin' on what me and Snow went through last night." said Sazh.

Both Sazh and Snow had blood shot eyes due to a lack of sleep. And they both kept looking over their shoulder towards the guest bedroom.

'_The Boogey man must have been talking about them.' _thought Hope. "What happened?"

"Well you see," started Snow. "We-"

Before he could tell the tale of what happened last night, Mrs. Farron walked in.

"What do you kids want for breakfast?"

"Ooh, I want pound cake Mrs. Farron." said Vanille.

"Pound cake? How do you make that?" asked Mrs. Farron.

"Oh you know. You just add a pound of flour, a pound of baking powder, a pound of eggs, a pound of milk, and a pound of butter. Oh! You also have to add a pound of bread!"

"Thank Etro I buy things in bulk. I'll work on that right now."

"Wait! Don't forget to cook it for only fifteen minutes." added Vanille.

"I'll be sure to remember that." said Mrs. Farron as she retreated to the woman cave.

* * *

><p>-9:42 Woman Cave-<p>

Mrs. Farron had all the ingredients mixed in a very large bowl together…except for the bread. She had no idea what to do with that.

You'd think that she'd make this in the kitchen, but Mrs. Farron had a thing for making everything in her underground storage facility.

"I have no idea what to do with this bread. Do I tear it into little pieces and stick it in the bowl or do I bake it to the side? I'll try both."

Mrs. Farron set the temperature to a random setting and shoved both pans of pound cake batter (one with bread pieces and the other without) and a lone loaf of bread into the oven. Fifteen minutes later she removed the pans of batter and the loaf of bread. Both of the pans of cake were still gooey but the one with the bread pieces was both gooey and lumpy. The bread was burnt to a black crisp.

"Oh shoot! This is supposed to be cake. I didn't put any sugar!" Fixing her mistake, Mrs. Farron sprinkled a pound of sugar on both of the pound cakes. "I wonder if I should feed them the cake or the bread. Well I guess the choice is obvious."

Upon arriving to the dining room, she served each child a scoop of lumpless gooey pound cake and a slice of bread…except for Serah. She instructed them to dip the burnt piece of bread into the gooey concoction.

"I'm sorry honey; I didn't have enough lumpless pound cake and bread for you. But don't worry, you can have the whole pan of lumpy pound cake for yourself."

One bite was all it took for everyone to glare daggers at Vanille. This was the worst breakfast they ever had…ever.

Sweating profusely, Vanille said, "Maybe you only had to have a pound of flour…"

Not satisfied with her breakfast, Lightning voiced her complaint. "Vanille this breakfast sucked. Dad, cook us something edible."

"I should have known that this would happen. Your mother is the worst cook on Cocoon. And it's true. Every adult was tested on this and your mother was the only one with a negative score. She managed to burn water!"

After Mr. Farron had saved the day with oatmeal, he asked the children what they wanted to do for the day.

No words were spoken throughout the group. They didn't even have to look at each other. All seven of them opened their mouths and said, "We want to go to the toy store!"

* * *

><p><strong>Most of this was written when I was half awake. I don't know if you can tell or not, but hopefully you didn't notice. Speaking of noticing things, have you noticed that Mr. and Mrs. Farron are only referred to as Mr. and Mrs. Farron. Since the game didn't reveal their names, I'm not gonna make something up. I mean if I did make something up, their names would probably be along the lines of Carl and Raegan. But Carl and Raegan would be spelled Charyl (it looks like Cheryl or something) and Rhaygain or something weird like that. I would never name my children that but if I had two dogs… <strong>

**Here's a bone for chapter five and six. For chapter five, did you guys think that Snow and Sazh's sleep adventure ended there? And for chapter six, it's bring your daughter to work day.**


	5. Toy Store Adventures

**I know it's been a long time since my last update, but I think this chapter makes up for it. According to MS Word it's 35 pages long. Otherwise known as a long a** chapter. Normally I wouldn't have censored that out, but this story is k+. I'm not changing the rating because of a bad-mouthed author. Just to let you know, and I'll probably add this to chapter one, I don't hate any of the characters. It's just that some characters encounter more misfortune than others. Anyways, enjoy.**

* * *

><p>-11:00am Farron Household-<p>

"You kiddos ready to go to the toy store?" asked Mr. Farron.

Lightning quickly scanned the group to see if they were presentable.

'_Let's see… Fang and Vanille have their hair and accessories in order. Hope wakes up with perfect hair every day, so he's fine. Serah… Yep, she's got her bandages on.'_

Then she finally turned to Sazh and Snow.

'_They look presentable enough. Although Sazh looks like he had his eyes lids peeled back and Snow has grubby nails and messy hair… I guess that's to be expected in the morning.'_

"Yeah dad. We're ready to go to the-"

"Wait!" exclaimed Snow. "Sazh and I need to go back to the guest room!"

"Why do you need to go there, Snow? Did you forget something?" asked Lightning.

"Yes!" he proclaimed. "I forgot my limited edition Moogle Rangers comb that I painted gold. Just look at my hair! I can't go out like this!"

"Okay. So Sazh, why do you need to go with Snow just to get his comb?"

"He needs me there so that _they_ don't take him to the other side." said Sazh.

"I forgot you boys slept in that room." cut in Mr. Farron. "Surely you boys remembered to leave an offering for _them_. You could have left a lock of your hair, one of your shoes, or maybe a toy for the night. After all, they only want to poke and prod at something. You boys did see the offering bowl, right?"

"WHAT?" exclaimed both Sazh and Snow.

Both boys quickly climbed the stairs and went into the guest bedroom to see if what Mr. Farron had said was true. Sure enough, there was an offering bowl atop of the dresser.

"Well, golly. I guess we were straight acting the fool last night." said Snow.

"Hey Snow, I found your comb." said Sazh as he waved about Snow's comb.

"Thanks man. Now let's get out of here before _they _come back."

Suddenly a strong gust of wind slammed the door shut and, what do you know, it locked.

"_Welcome back boys…"_

"We were just leaving." said a scared out of his wits Snow.

"_You boys aren't going anywhere…"_

"We'll do anything Mr. Evil Poltergeist Sir! Just let us leave." cried Snow.

"_Who said I was evil? I'm just…angered."_

"My apologies Mr. _Angered _Poltergeist Sir!"

"_Please, there's no need to be so formal. Call me Carl, or Raegan. You know, I like both of those names… Call me Carl-Raegan."_

"You got it Mr. Carl-Raegan." said Sazh.

"_Was I speaking to you Afro Kid?"_

"Hey! Don't make fun of my afro and the name's Sazh!"

"_In this room your name is what I make it."_

"Ooh, what do you call me then?" asked a curious Snow.

"_Your name is Blonde-Headed Glory Boy. Glory Boy for short."_

"And I get Afro Kid? That's an insult!"

"_Might I remind you that you do, indeed, have an afro. It's kind of your defining feature. If you were bald, I'd call you Bald Kid. And might I add that my best ghost friend has an afro. It'd be wrong of me to insult the afro seeing as he saved my soul and all."_

By this time, Sazh and Snow had pulled up a chair.

"Saved your soul?" asked the puzzled Afro Kid.

"_Yeah man! He saved me from going to…the light. If it wasn't for him beckoning me to a dark portal of unknown origin, I wouldn't be here today."_

"Now, what's so bad about the light?" asked Glory Boy.

"_It's a place for sticklers. There are all these rules and everyone is always smiling from ear to ear. That didn't sit too well with me. So here I am, terrifying people and consuming their souls for my entertainment in the Farron household."_

"Consuming their souls?" asked an alarmed Afro Kid.

"_That's only if they fail to give me an offering…which you boys have yet to do!"_

"What would you like Carl-Raegan?" asked a nervous Glory Boy.

"_For starters, this is your second visit to this room. Therefore, I want double the offering."_

"You name it and we'll offer it!" said Afro Kid.

"_Afro Kid I want your boots and your coat."_

"Anything you want Mr. Carl-Raegan!" said Afro Kid as he quickly took off his coat and boots.

"_Blonde-Headed Glory Boy, I want your socks and some locks of luscious platinum hair!"_

"Well here's my socks sir." said Glory Boy as he held them up. "But, how much hair do you want?"

"_See that bowl over there? Put it on your head and cut around the edges."_

"But that'll give me a bowl cut!"

"_Is that defiance I hear?"_

"No sir. Glory Boy could never be defiant." said Afro Kid as he slammed the bowl on top of Glory Boy's head.

"Afro Kid, no!" screamed Glory Boy. But it was too late. Afro Kid had already started to snip at his hair with a pair of scissors that was handed to him by Carl-Raegan.

"How could you Afro Kid? I thought you were my friend!" cried Glory Boy.

"Friends? There's no such thing as friends in this room! Once we stepped through that door we stopped being Sazh and Snow. Times are tough and you've got to fight for what's yours! The only thing of value in this room is your soul!" said Afro Kid.

"_Uh… Afro Kid, I think you're taking this a little too fa-"_

"I've been fighting this war for ages. Do you see the wear on my face Glory Boy? We don't have time to be friends! Now grab your squirt gun, 'cause this battle ain't over!"

"You know what Afro Kid? All is forgiven." said a frantic Glory Boy. "Here Mr. Carl-Raegan, you can have my hair."

Once all the offerings were gathered Carl-Raegan proceeded to poke and prod at them.

"_Okay boys, everything seems to be in order here. Afro Kid, you may have your coat and boots back. Glory Boy, you can have your socks."_

"Uh, Mr. Carl-Raegan? Can I have my hair back?" asked Glory Boy.

"_Did I say you could have it back?"_

"Well, no. But I thought it must have slipped your mind or something."

"_I'm no longer human, meaning I never forget…ever."_

"What about that time you promised to get me an ice-cream cone?"

"_Oh, that? I must have forgotten."_

"Ha! I just proved you can forget!"

"_Ha! I just proved I can lie! Now skedaddle or I might consider consuming your soul or something like that. Maybe I'll take over your body and do some evil deeds. I haven't decided yet."_

"You heard the poltergeist Glory Boy, let's get out of here!" said Afro Kid as he pulled Glory Boy out of the room.

Now Sazh and Snow only intended to be in that room for two minutes, but obviously things happened and they managed to kill thirty minutes.

* * *

><p>-11:30am Downstairs-<p>

"What took you guys so long?" asked Lightning. "And why is your hair different Snow? Did you comb it really hard?"

"Whatever do you mean Lightning? My hair is fine!" said Snow as he put on a conveniently placed beanie.

"Sazh, what really happened in that room?"

"The name's Afro Kid!" Sazh fiercely shouted. "No, my name is Sazh…" he said more to himself.

"Whatever… you guys ready to go?"

"Yeah Glory Boy and me… No, his name is Snow."

"Well, whenever you two have your names figured out, we'll be waiting outside." said Mr. Farron as he led the rest of the kids outside.

"Get it together man!" said Snow. "Out here, I'm Snow and you're Sazh! Hopefully, we'll never have to use those_ other_ names ever again."

"Are you sure?" asked a doubtful Sazh.

"On my Moogle Ranger Cadet honor!"

"Well, we'd better not keep them waiting." said Sazh.

-11:35am Driveway-

"Well kids, I only have room for four of you. Looks like three of you will have to ride with…the misses." said Mr. Farron.

"I'm not afraid of mom!" Lightning proclaimed. "Go on Serah. You can take my place in dad's transportation. Make sure you buckle Odin in."

"You mean that cup holder with the shoe string?" asked Serah.

"For the millionth time it's a golden throne of glory, not a cup holder."

"Whatever you say Light…" mumbled Serah.

"Alright you wimps, who else is brave enough to ride with mom?" asked Lightning.

"I'll go wherever you go!" Hope bravely replied.

"That's awfully brave of you Hope. Anyone else? Just to let you know, you might die."

'_Aw shoot. She should have said that before. I'll seem like a wimp if I back out now!' _thought Hope.

"I'll go with you Light! We are best friends after all." said Fang.

"Sorry Fang, I'm taking Vanille with me. In this short time, I thought it would be best to take her instead of you."

"But why? Like I previously stated, we're best friends!" cried Fang.

"That's the point Fang, we are best friends! If mom suddenly pulled a dangerous stunt and the people in the back seat were critically injured, I'd feel better knowing that my best friend was safe."

"Oh, that makes sense. Whelp, you heard her Vanille, you're riding with Mrs. Farron." said a reassured Fang.

"Now that everything's settled, let's go." said Lightning.

"Um…about that. " started Vanille. "I've been thinking and I don't feel like getting critically injured."

"What? You'll be fine. Nothing's going to happen for you to get critically injured." replied Lightning.

"But what about that speech you gave Fang? You know, the one about the people in the back seat getting injured. Critically I might add." said Vanille.

"Speech? Critically injured? Vanille, what are you talking about?" asked Lightning. "Get in my mom's transportation and everything's going to be just fine."

"Well… if you say so." said a defeated Vanille.

* * *

><p>-11:52am Mr. Farron's Transportation-<p>

"So we've been driving for about five minutes and it's come to my attention that I have yet to play some music for you kiddos." started Mr. Farron. "I know! I'll play Serah's favorite cd for you guys. Hey Sazh, since you're sitting in the front seat, can you reach in the glove compartment and pull out the only cd in there?"

Opening the glove compartment, Sazh saw that there was indeed only one cd. All the others were crushed to bits or split in two.

"Um, may I ask why all the other ones are broken?" asked Sazh.

"Oh you know, sibling rivalry. Claire likes to break Serah's cds. There is no other reason except for that. It's definitely not because she doesn't like the songs or anything. Sometimes when I turn around to check on them I see Claire banging her head against the window to the beat of the song. She really likes Serah's cds. It's just that whole one year older thing. I'm sure she'll grow out of it."

"Whatever you say Mr. Farron." said Sazh as he inserted the cd.

"Okay, I want you to play track five. I think you kids will like that one." said Mr. Farron.

Sazh did as he was instructed and changed the song to track five. The song started off okay. There was a solid beat and some awesome melodies. But then the lyrics started.

"_Alrighty kids, are you ready r-ready?"_

"Y-yeah!" yelled Snow.

"Oh goodness! Holy Etro! This is my favorite song dad!" Serah squealed.

'_Oh Maker'_ thought Fang. _'Here we go…'_

"_Let's jump j-jump j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jump! Tap your heels, roll them wheels, we're gonna jump!"_

At the mention of the word jump both Snow and Serah attempted to actually jump. All Fang and Sazh could do was sink lower into their seat. Even Odin started to sag from the music.

'_What do wheels have to do with anything?' _thought Fang.

'_This is what I get for taking the easy way out.' _thought Sazh.

"_Wiggle your fingers, wiggle your toes, oh my goodness it's your nose!"_

"I'm wiggling my fingers!" said Snow.

"I'm wiggling my toes!" said Serah.

"_Jump j-j-j-j-jump! The end."_

"Good Goddess Etro, that song was awesome Serah! You have good taste in music." said Snow.

"Aw shucks Snow. You know how I be rollin'."

"_! MURDER! I'm gonna MURDER!"_

Upon hearing his secret song, Mr. Farron quickly turned off the stereo. _'Oh fedashgr! They weren't supposed to hear that!'_

"I didn't like that song." said Snow.

"Me neither." added Serah.

"Why'd you turn off the song Mr. Farron?" asked Fang. "That was right up my alley!"

Ignoring Fang's question, Mr. Farron proceeded to skip to track seven.

"Here's a song you kids will like."

* * *

><p>At the same time…<p>

Hope and Vanille were scared out of their minds. Mrs. Farron was up to her no good driving habits again. Lightning was the only one that wasn't peeing her pants.

"You're going 200mph in a 60mph zone mom." said an unfazed Lightning.

"Is that why there's chaos all around me?" asked Mrs. Farron.

"Sure is mom."

"But Claire, I can't help it. It's hard to drive the speed limit with my past." said Mrs. Farron as she slowed down for a stoplight.

Just then, a PSICOM soldier pulled them over.

"Ma'am." the soldier began. "I noticed you were going 140 mph over the speed limit. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

'_Maybe I can use my… No I can't do that in front of the children. Time for Plan B.' _thought Mrs. Farron.

"Mom maybe you can use your… Aw shucks I forgot! You can't do that in front of Vanille and Hope." said Lightning.

"Oh but maybe you can do… Dang it all! I forgot you can't do that in front of Lightning and Vanille." said Hope.

"Just do it!" yelled Vanille.

"It's okay kids, I'm going with Plan B."

As the PSICOM soldier returned to their vehicle, Mrs. Farron put on her A game.

"So, uh, Lucy is it? That name's a little too girly for a young man such as yourself."

"It runs in the family Ma'am… Here's your ticket."

"Before you hand me that ticket, I have a proposition for you."

"What kind of proposition?"

"I'm proposing that we have a race. Me vs. You. Winner gets off hands free."

"So what happens if you lose?"

Mrs. Farron laughed. "Let me tell you what happens when _you_ lose. When my awesomeness beats the shorts off of you, you'll have to take the ticket _and_ go to jail."

"But, what if I win?"

"That would be a miracle from the Goddess Etro if you somehow manage to win. To humor you, let me lay down a scenario as to what would happen in an alternate universe in a galaxy far, far away from our alternate galaxy. To put it simply, if I ever so happen to lose, you would have had the pleasure of racing with Mrs. Farron."

"You're Mrs. Farron?" asked Lucy.

"Yes, now hurry up and get in your vehicle so we can race."

"But I didn't even accept your proposal!"

"Oh but you did. Look, you even signed this piece of paper."

"But that's your ticket!"

"No, that's _your_ ticket."

Defeated, Lucy went to his vehicle and revved his engine.

"On the count of go, we shall start."

"Why not three?" asked a puzzled Lucy.

"Well, when I count to three I'm gonna do something special." Mrs. Farron replied.

"Something special?"

Ignoring Lucy's confusion, Mrs. Farron started to count. "One. Two. Three." On the count of three she uncovered a red button on the dashboard that was labeled rockets and pressed it. "Go!"

Without even looking back Mrs. Farron sped her way to the undesignated finish line. Ahead of Mrs. Farron were the rockets she launched. You see, they were launched to destroy each and every traffic camera she would pass.

The whole way there, Lightning yawned and tried to remember how many unicorn horns were in her stockpile. Hope and Vanille on the other hand were far from calm. Hope cried for his mother and Vanille cursed Cocoon and all of its inhabitants.

After many twists and dangerous turns, Mrs. Farron made it to the undesignated finish line and waited for Lucy to catch up.

"Are we there yet?" asked Lightning.

"Yes sweetie. Now we're just waiting for Lucy to arrive." replied Mrs. Farron.

"Can I play my cd now?"

"No dear. You're going to have to wait until I perform a citizen's arrest on Lucy."

"Fine."

* * *

><p>Back at Mr. Farron's vehicle…<p>

"_And that's how you wiggle your knee!"_

'_Oh Maker, just take my soul now!' _thought Fang.

Sazh had already lost consciousness and could not voice any of his thoughts.

"I'm gonna have to try that when we get to the toy store Serah." said Snow.

"I've tried it thousands of times. It's fun." replied Serah.

"I'm glad you kids enjoyed that song. Time for track eight." said Mr. Farron as he skipped to the next song.

"_Robbin' banks, robbin' banks, everyday I rob banks and then shoot you in the face! You better get facial reconstruction 'cause I'm gonna blow your face off!" _

Mr. Farron tapped his fingers to the beat of the music. He was so engrossed in the song that he forgot there were children in the car.

"_I'm the boss boss, I'll blow your leg off. Do you have children? Well you better hide them. I'm gonna go out and find them! Yeah you heard me. I rhymed them with them! "_

Both Snow and Serah were mortified. They really didn't like the song. Sazh was still unconscious from the previous track. The only ones actually jamming out to the song were Fang and Mr. Farron.

"This song is sweet Mr. Farron! Why couldn't you play this one before?" asked Fang.

"What?" said a startled Mr. Farron. Turning to the side, he saw that there were still children in the vehicle. _'Oh no! I let it happen again!'_ thought Mr. Farron. Not taking anymore chances, he promptly ejected the disc and threw it out the window. "No more music for now. We're almost there anyway."

'_You know, that rapper sounded awfully familiar…' _thought Fang.

* * *

><p>Back at Mrs. Farron's vehicle…<p>

Lucy had finally arrived at the undesignated finish line and was panting for some reason.

"Did you bicycle here or something?" asked Mrs. Farron.

"No, I'm just having a panic attack about my future arrest."

"Let's get this over with then. I, Mrs. Farron, am performing a citizen's arrest on you, PSICOM soldier Lucy. I will guide you to the hood of your vehicle, restrain you, and then proceed to contact PSICOM for further instructions." said Mrs. Farron as she led Lucy to the front of his vehicle.

"This is Mrs. Farron contacting PSICOM base Bodhum. I have performed a citizen's arrest on PSICOM soldier Lucy for speeding 140mph over the speed limit and causing irreversible damage to the streets of Bodhum."

"Good job Mrs. Farron. We knew Lucy was a bad seed from the moment we hired him. Just leave him tied to a nearby post and we'll come to pick him up in five hours time."

After leaving him tied to a post in the middle of the street, Mrs. Farron returned to her vehicle and continued on her way to the toy store.

"Now can I play my cd?" asked Lightning.

"Go ahead dear."

"Awesome." said Lightning as she shoved in her cd.

"So what are we gonna listen to Light?" asked Hope.

"Just my favorite cd ever."

"_Audio book number two. Magnificent Horses Grazing on Grass."_

'_This sounds a bit boring.' _thought Vanille.

"_The majestic horse, Bruce, felt his tummy rumble for the umpteenth time. Deciding to quell his hunger needs, Bruce gracefully lowered his head to the luscious ground below."_

'_It's off to a good start...'_

"_He saw a particularly delicious looking blade of grass among the shrubbery below him. Moving his head 40 degrees to the right, Bruce opened his mouth and let the blade of grass graze his tongue. Almost immediately he spit it back out. It seems this time, Bruce's ability to pick out delectable grass was below par."_

"I would have spit out a blade of grass I didn't like too!" said Hope.

"I do that all the time Hope." said Vanille.

"_Regaining his focus of the task at hand, Bruce continued on his quest for the perfect blade of grass. Just as he spotted his next target, a shadow appeared above him. With the grace of a god, Bruce lifted his head to see the figure above him. His heart broke in two at the sight that met his eyes. It was Angelica, the winged horse. They were soul mates never meant to be. It seemed that she had her eyes on that particular blade of grass as well. And thus, the battle for grass began."_

'_So moving!' _thought Vanille.

* * *

><p>-12:05pm Toy Store Parking Lot-<p>

"Here we are kids, Toys Are You." said Mr. Farron.

"You know Mr. Farron, I think that's getting a little too close to copyright infringement." started Snow. "What was the name of that store on Earth again? Toys R Us but with a backwards R? Toys R Me? Toys R?"

"Eh, it's not my store. Let's go children, it's time to get those toys!" said Mr. Farron.

Mr. Farron waited for all of the children to file out of the vehicle before getting out himself. Sazh didn't budge.

"You know Sazh, we're here."

"…"

"What, are you waiting for me to open the door for you?"

"…"

"Well, fine. I'll do it." said Mr. Farron as he stepped out of his transportation. "One, of these days Sazh, you've got to learn to open the door!"

Once Mr. Farron fully opened the door, Sazh's unconscious body fell ungracefully to the concrete below. The fall, unsurprisingly, managed to wake Sazh up.

"Ugh…what happened?" asked a disoriented Sazh.

"Well, obviously, you fell asleep during that awesome car ride…without your seat belt on!" replied Mr. Farron.

"I had a nightmare." continued Sazh. "We were in the car and the worst music I ever heard was playing. I felt as if I died a little. My cool factor went down as well."

"That sounds awful!" said Snow. "We were listening to great music in the car. Well, except for those _other_ tracks played. I almost wet my pants!"

"The music was that good?"

"Heck yeah man!"

"Against my better judgment, I'm going to ask for a copy of those songs."

"I'm sure Serah could hook you up."

"So, Serah, you know I'm an opera kind of guy. Your cd will live up to my standards, right?" asked Sazh.

'_What's opera? Is it short for something? …what is it short for? Operator? Operation? Operational? My cd is operational… That must be it! Sazh wants an operational cd. He should have said that in the first place! Making me go through the trouble of all this internal analysis of context clues…' _"Oh, okay. My cd is right up your alley!" said Serah.

"I hope we have the same thing in mind." said Sazh.

"Of course we do! Operational, right?"

"What? No!"

"Let's go to the store already!" said Serah in an attempt to get her dad's attention.

"Sure thing sweetie. First thing, we go find mom. Then we go store." said Mr. Farron. "Do you get gist of words?"

"Yo comprende dad." said Serah.

"Actually, the correct terminology would be yo comprendo." said Snow.

"How would you know? Do you speak Spanish?" asked Serah.

"If by Spanish you mean Snowish then yeah! I created it. The government must have harnessed this language by stealing my excess brain waves transmitted by my cranium."

"Can we just go find mom now?" asked an impatient Serah.

"Serah's right. We should go find her." said Mr. Farron as he led the group of kids to search for his wife.

Through the whole exchange, Fang just stood snickering to herself. _'Heh. Serah's cd.'_

"Now if I know my wife, there should be a row of damaged cars somewhere around here." said Mr. Farron as he looked down the rows. "Oh! I see smoke coming from down there! Let's go children."

* * *

><p>-In Mrs. Farron's Vehicle-<p>

"_And there Angelica lay, atop the perfect blade of grass, relinquishing her last breath. Bruce shed a single tear for his beloved. No more would they have to fight against each other for she was in a better place now. End of audio book number two. Please insert audio book number three, No More Grass for Magnificent Horses."_

Mrs. Farron had arrived at the toy store ten minutes ago, but everyone in the vehicle wanted to hear the end of the story. Hope was crying along with Vanille. Lightning tried to stay strong, but everyone knew she died a little inside. Mrs. Farron was having a hard time keeping it together.

"Why Bruce? Why did you kill her?" cried Mrs. Farron.

"Yeah! Weren't they soul mates?" asked Hope.

"After listening to this audio book for the billionth time, I've come to the conclusion that they were just too similar." replied Mrs. Farron. "That's why your father and I got _lost _that one time. Your father was a rapper and I was a drag racer. Everything was going so well because we were so different! But things started to fall apart when we became more similar. You see, at the time, rap music was so enticing and I let it consume me. It just wasn't possible for two rappers to live in the same household, let alone be together. Tensions rose and he even filed a lawsuit against me. I didn't blame him though. It was really hard to distinguish whose lyrics were whose when we both practiced in the same room. It was inevitable that we'd get lost. We went our separate ways for a while and that's when I found science. When we were different again I no longer had the urge to shoot him with my hidden pistol anymore. Apparently, he felt the same way. So you see kids, we are soul mates. Things just get a little rocky when you're too similar. "

After hearing Mrs. Farron's random confession, everyone forgot about Bruce.

"You guys did find each other again, right?" asked a wary Lightning.

"Of course pumpkin! We did that ages ago. That whole shebang happened when we were still young and stupid. You know, the glory days." explained Mrs. Farron.

"These aren't the glory days anymore?"

"Of course not!" Mrs. Farron hastily replied. _'Oh shoot!' _"These are the, uh, magnificent days! You know the ones that are better than the glory days. I'm no longer young and stupid. Now I'm just moderately aged and very smart."

"That's good to hear. Can we go before you decide to reveal anything else?" asked Lightning. "It's touching that you want to share all this with me but not in front of Hope and Vanille. Okay?"

"You're right sweetie. Let's go. I think I can see your dad anyways." said Mrs. Farron as she unlocked the doors.

As soon as Vanille saw that her door was unlocked, she made a beeline for Fang.

"Fang, I don't care if you're Lightning's best friend or not, you're riding with Mrs. Farron on the way back!" shouted Vanille.

"Oh thank you Vanille, I was going to demand the same thing from you. I can't go back in that vehicle. Serah's music was terrible. It made Sazh pass out!" exclaimed Fang.

"Then it's agreed. Let's Pulse shake on it!" said Vanille as she held out her arm.

"Don't you mean let's _Gran_ Pulse shake on it?" Fang questioned.

"I've been living here too long… Anyway let's shake on it!"

They crossed their wrists together and counted each other's pulse.

You see the Gran Pulse natives way back when decided that health was very important. To get the children into the health groove, they made a "handshake" and marketed it as fun. They claimed it could keep even the biggest promises. But in reality it just only checked the little ones' pulse.

"Wow Vanille your pulse is a little high."

"What is it?"

"Your pulse is 150 beats per minute. Take a chill pill. Did you bring those with you?"

"I just ran here you know! And, no, I forgot those at the tree house."

"So what's my pulse Vanille?"

"It's 90 beats per minute. Completely normal."

"That's awesome. Let's go catch up with the others."

* * *

><p>-12:20pm Toy Store-<p>

"Okay kids feel free to roam around for a while. I'm gonna go across the street and buy some clothes. Pants to be specific. Jeans to be precise. Oh and Serah, me go now. Hold Claire's hand." said Mr. Farron.

"I have to hold Serah's hand the whole time?" asked Lightning.

"Yes and you better not let it go."

"What happens if I do let go? Will I get punished?"

"Something like that."

"Serah, you heard dad. Grab my hand and _never let go._"

As Serah made her way to Lightning, Mr. Farron departed and left the misses with the group of children.

"Claire sweetie, you don't have to hold Serah's hand. Your father just cares for Serah, her being five and all. Just make sure she stays out of trouble and doesn't get kidnapped. If you need me I'll be in the build your own toy section." said Mrs. Farron.

Once Mrs. Farron left, all the kids huddled together to strategize a plan.

"Okay guys, what are we going to do?" asked Lightning.

"What toys are we going to buy?" asked Hope.

"I want to play war." started Fang. "We should all buy weapons."

"You know guys, I don't really like violence." Serah meekly added.

"Okay, then it's decided. We're all going to buy weapons." said Lightning.

"Uhh, did you not hear me Lightning?"

"Oh I heard you Serah. Just go wander the aisles and buy whatever you want since you don't want to play war with us."

"So how are we going to do this? Are we going to split up into groups or is this a solo mission?" asked Hope.

"Me and Sazh will go together." said Snow.

"I'm going with Serah!" exclaimed Vanille.

"I don't know. Picking out a weapon is kind of a personal thing." said Fang.

"I agree." started Lightning. "Looks like you, me, and Hope are going solo."

"Well fine." Hope mumbled. "It's not like I brought up the whole group thing to be in a group with anybody."

-Serah and Vanille Toy Store Aisle 5-

Because they were unsatisfied with aisles one through four, Serah and Vanille decided to give aisle five a shot.

"What are those?" Vanille shouted as she pointed to a toy hanging in the aisle.

Upon closer inspection she found that it was called the Do As I Command It.

"Well that's a weird name… Wait a minute! I bet it's a quiz game!"

"That sounds like fun." said Serah. "Why don't you try it out?"

"I think I'll do just that." said Vanille as she took down the toy from where it was hanging.

As soon as she touched it, the Do As I Command It stirred to life. The screen glowed red and you could see a few quantum physics problems quickly scroll across. When it was fully booted, a sinister face appeared.

"_Would you like to start a new game or continue where the last poor soul lost?"_

"New game please."

"_Very well then."_

"Wait, before we start, this is a quiz game right?"

"_Of course."_

"Then why is it called Do As I Command It?"

"_You might get to see why and you might not. It depends on who's playing."_

"Okay, well I'm ready when you are."

"_Question one. What is the difference between velocity and centrifugal force?"_

"Well, velocity is real."

"_Correct. Question two. On a planet called Earth, in June of 1999, what singer had a hit single that peaked at number one on the billboards for five weeks straight?"_

"Huh. That's a tough question. Good thing I paid attention in Earth studies. I believe the answer is Christina Aguilera with her hit single Genie in a Bottle."

"_That's… Correct! Question three. What is ten plus three?"_

"Oh no. I didn't pass addition class. Let me try and work this out. Carry the one… Minus twelve… Square root that… The answer is seven!"

"_I believe it when you said you did not pass."_

"Does that mean I lose?"

"_Yes. Definitely yes."_

"Aw fedashgr."

"_If you would so kindly put me back where I was so that a worthy child can purchase me."_

"Sure thing Mr. Do As I Command It." said Vanille.

As she put the toy back, she caught a glimpse of something interesting a few aisles down.

"I wonder what that is." said Vanille as she unknowingly ditched Serah.

Not knowing that Vanille had ditched her, Serah made her way to the Do As I Command It toy.

"That looked like an awful lot of fun. It couldn't hurt for me to try."

"_Would you like to play a friendly game of wits?"_

"Sure!"

* * *

><p>-Hope Toy Store Aisle 15: Realistic Knives and Other Cutlery-<p>

Hope is a gentle soul. That's why he was looking for a toy weapon that wouldn't cause anyone harm. He wanted something safe and cushiony.

"This aisle looks intimidating." said Hope as he made his way past many dangerous looking toys. "Are these toys real?"

Hope reached out to touch one of the many harmful looking play knives. "Ow! That almost cut my finger off! I better put this back. I don't want to end up cutting off someone's favorite finger."

As he made his way down the aisle, he spotted a horrible sight.

"Is that a machete? And is the blood on it real? That is off my list! I don't want to get blood on anybody. That's not sanitary."

After a quick inspection of the rest of the aisle, Hope deemed all the toys in it too dangerous to buy.

"I need to go to another aisle."

In search of an aisle with safer toys, Hope actually found an even more dangerous aisle. It was called Guns and Projectiles.

"Well at least I won't be cutting off anyone's fingers. Let's see what kinds of toys are here."

Browsing the gun portion of the aisle, he found a toy that advertised semi real bullets.

"That's just pushin' it! I don't want a semi real experience of getting shot! Or shooting anyone for that matter."

At this rate it seemed that Hope would never find the perfect toy. He even came across a crossbow toy that promised to deliver real pain. Now what kind of toy is that?

"I think I'll just go buy a gumball and call it a day."

Just as he lost all hope of finding the perfect safe play weapon, Hope caught a glimpse of something wedged between a mini cannon and replica magnum.

"What could that be?" he asked himself.

Curiosity got the better of him. He stuck his tiny hand into the dark crevice between the dangerous toys. What he pulled out made his eyes water with joy. He had found it, the perfect toy.

"This is just what I was looking for! A boomerang! It's even padded with super soft, shock absorbing foam!"

To test how safe it was, Hope chucked it in a random direction with his eyes closed.

"Now if I know anything about boomerangs, it should be coming back to me any second now."

As soon as he closed his mouth the boomerang hit him smack dab in the forehead. He fell over backwards onto the floor.

Now you would think that a head on collision with a boomerang at full acceleration would cause him a lot of pain. Hope didn't feel a thing.

"Wow! This boomerang really works. Except for the throbbing in the back of my head from falling on the floor, it was painless! Man, I can't wait to show Light what I found!"

* * *

><p>-Back to Serah-<p>

"_Question one. What are the three primary colors?"_

"Well that's easy. They're red, yellow, and blue."

"_That's correct. Question two. What is five plus two?"_

"Oh! You probably asked Vanille this question because the answer is seven!"

"_Let's just say I asked a similar question to Vanille. And yes, that is correct! Question three. What happens when you light a candle?"_

"Uh. Uhh. What are candles?"

"_That is incorrect."_

"Aw darn, I guess I lost. Time to put you back."

"_I never said we were finished."_

"But I lost!"

"_I determine who wins and who loses."_

"What about people who get all the questions right?"

"_They win of course. But let's not get into details. Now it's time for the do as I command it portion."_

"Okay…"

"_You seem to be confused. The do as I command it portion is simple. I command it and you do it."_

"That doesn't seem too hard."

"_Command number one. Clap your hands."_

"That's easy." said Serah as she clapped her hands.

"_See that random stranger walking down this aisle? Tell her that her shoes look nice but then immediately take it back."_

"That's just mean!"

"_I guess you really do want to lose." the Do As I Command It sighed._

"I'm not a quitter!"

Serah bravely walked up to the random stranger and said, "Hey, I like your shoes. But now that I've looked at them for a couple of seconds, I take it back."

"You brought my spirits up for those few seconds. Now I feel worse than I did before you said anything. Thanks for ruining my day." said the stranger.

"Please believe me when I say I didn't mean it."

"Sure you didn't. Bye kid."

"You know what? I'll probably never see her again. I shouldn't feel bad at all."

"_Exactly. You see that random tortoise walking around the store with a welcome balloon tied to it? I want you to rip that balloon off and pop it with your bare hands in front of everyone entering the store right now."_

"Come on! They won't feel welcomed!"

"_Well I guess you could always lose…"_

"I would gladly do that."

"_Well tough cookies. Do what I say or you'll end up playing this game forever."_

"Here tortoise tortoise. Come to Serah."

As if it understood her words, the tortoise made its way towards Serah with balloon in tow. It may be hard to believe, but this particular tortoise was very fond of balloons. Unbeknownst to her, Serah was about to crush both the spirits of the people and the tortoise.

"Let's go to the front and we'll make everybody happy." _'I can't believe I'm about to do this.'_ she thought as she tried to lead the store's tortoise to the front doors.

This tortoise probably had mind reading powers because it would not budge. Serah tried with all her might to push the it to the front, but after a good twenty seconds he still wouldn't budge.

"_This is hopeless. I guess we're going to have to abandon this mission. You have my permission to stop."_

"Oh thank Etro! I was hoping you'd say that."

"_On to the next mission."_

"I thought I didn't have to do these anymore!"

* * *

><p>-Fang Aisle 72 Realistic Janitorial Toys-<p>

Now Fang was having the hardest time finding her weapon. She made it all the way to aisle seventy two for Etro's sake! For the umpteenth time she went to inspect every item in the aisle.

"I think I can poison Lightning with this semi-fake floor cleaner but that's too wimpy. War's all about bloodshed and a lot of it."

So far she was getting nowhere.

"Heh, I bet Snow would bust his face after slipping on this realistic floor wax but then again… where's the honor in that?"

Apparently she was very honorable at the age of six years old.

"I can easily blind Hope with this guaranteed real toilet bowl cleaner but I need something… pointy."

In the same aisle as her happened to be a janitor showing his kid what every toy would do if they were real.

"You see this son? This is called a broom. If it were real, it would be used to sweep up those horrible dust bunnies and food crumbs. Possibly broken glass. But that depends on the type of broom you're using."

"Wow dad. You're so knowledgeable in the janitorial field. When I grow up I want to own a chemical company."

"That'll do me proud son. Just remember one thing. Never break a wooden broom and or mop in two."

"Why is that?"

"It's sharp. Like a spear and or lance."

Fang's ears perked up as soon as she heard those words. _'That's it!' _she thought. _'I need a spear and or lance. That broom is the ticket to getting one.'_

Letting her instincts take over, Fang dashed toward the father and son. With incredible speed she nabbed the broom away from the janitor and promptly broke it over her knee. The result was the spear and or lance she desired.

"Let's go son! There's an animal in this aisle. A beast I say! That creature just broke the sacred instrument of cleanliness. I don't want to be here to see what she does next."

Ignoring the father son duo, Fang admired her handy work. "This'll work just fine. Now what do I do with this broom head?"

* * *

><p>-Back to Serah-<p>

"_Do you see that flarp over there? I want you to take it and make noise around old people."_

"That's kind of rude isn't it?"

"_That's the point."_

"Well, at least it isn't as bad as the other one."

Taking a jar of flarp in her tiny hands, Serah scoured the store for old people. Luckily she didn't have to look for long. There was an old couple a few aisles back shopping for a birthday present for their dear nephew Charles. They happened to be in the teddy bears and board games aisle.

'_Whelp, here goes nothing.'_ thought Serah as she began to make noise with the flarp.

"Dear, are you making that noise again?" asked the old woman.

"What noise are you talking about?" the old man replied.

"You know that noise you used to make way back when. I thought it stopped."

'_Oh shoot. I hope it isn't my flap that's making noise again. I thought I shut it up for good…' _"What stopped dearest?"

"You know, the noise from your flap!"

"I swear I'm not doing that!"

"Well, obviously you're lying. Charles' gift can wait. It's time to go to the doctor again."

"I thought I overcame this problem sixty years ago."

"Apparently your flap reopened. So let's leave. I think that little girl is waiting to get a toy from here. It also appears that she's playing with a jar of flarp. Those can be noisy you know. We don't want to damage our hearing."

With the old woman's sensible words, the couple walked out of the aisle to leave the store.

"_Pfft! That was hilarious!"_

"You know what Mr. Do As I Command It? When I grow up, I'm going to be a good person who doesn't fall under the influence of artificial intelligence."

"_That's nice and everything. I have another mission for you. Do you see that fish bowl over there? The one with a live fish in it? I want you to stick your hand in it and eat the fish."_

"What? No! I'm not gonna do that."

"_Fine then. Now you have to pick up the bowl, smash it, and then eat the fish."_

"I still refuse to do it."

"_You're only making this harder for yourself. Now you have to pick up the bowl, smash it, step on the glass, and then eat the fish."_

"Is there any way I can go back to the first two options?"

"_Nope. You clearly stated that you refused to do them."_

"Oh, well I do like sushi…"

"_That's the spirit."_

"Am I allowed to at least wear my shoes?"

"_Of course. I don't want you getting hurt or anything."_

"Well, here goes nothing."

* * *

><p>-Vanille Aisle 26 Ant Farms-<p>

"Man, you'd think after accidentally ditching Serah in aisle five I'd have found my weapon by now. But here I am, twenty one aisles later, and still no weapon."

Looking at the so called ant farms, Vanille started to question whether there were really any ants in them.

Turning the ant farm around, Vanille investigated why the critters weren't home.

Before Vanille walked in the aisle, these particular ants had successfully escaped from their containment. Not wanting their cover blown, they hid behind their old home.

"Let's see. Oh! There's a message. I hope I can read it. I'm not so good at Cocoon words."

_Attention customers. To prevent children from getting bitten, the ant farms do not come with ants. Since these are technological times, this message appears to look like ants forming words but in fact this is technology at its best._

"Huh. I actually understood that. And look, the message repeats. I guess it's legit."

As Vanille turned to leave the aisle, the ants stowed away in the pouch she always had on her person.

"_Now if I were my weapon, where would I be? Mini nuclear reactors… No, although it's nice that it guarantees to heat your household. Let's see here. Exotic paint. No, I can't use that as a weapon. What's that stuff made out of anyway? I bet it's made out of regular paint. I'm getting too distracted! Come on Vanille. Think!"_

Now Vanille wasn't aware of all the commotion she was causing as she wandered through the aisles. She didn't see that kid she tripped or that old couple complaining about a flap as they left the store. She also didn't notice when she stole a cane from that middle aged guy. Of course she found it odd when she went to go scratch her head and, instead of her hand, a hard metal cane whacked her on the noggin.

"Now that really hurt! Where did I get this cane from? Whelp, since I have it, I obviously need it. Now let's see where I am." She looked up to glance at the aisle marker. "Aisle 2. Rope and fishing rods. I made it pretty far! I guess I'll give this aisle a gander."

She was intrigued. Why hadn't she come here before? The shelves were filled with wondrous things.

"I can reel my opponent in and handle them from _there._ Let's see… There's a long distance rod, a strength rod, and an agility rod. Aw fiddlesticks! It looks like I need them all. Judging from our playground scuffles, Sazh and Hope are long distance fighters. Fang is extremely strong and Snow's a brute. And then there's Lightning who's as fast as her name suggests! If only there was binding material here… Wait a minute. This is the rope _and_ fishing rod section. I'm pretty sure if I reach behind me… Yup! There's rope!"

Vanille quickly grasped all three fishing rods and haphazardly tied them together with the rope.

"This'll do just fine."

* * *

><p>-Sazh and Snow Secret Aisle Number 7-<p>

"Aw man. We got lost." said Snow.

"Look on the bright side. At least we have our weapons." replied Sazh.

Sazh and Snow didn't take nearly as long as the others to find what they wanted. Snow found his on aisle one. It was entitled Gloves and Marbles. He wanted to pack a punch but he couldn't do that with gloves alone. That's when he got the idea to fuse the marbles onto his gloves. He would somehow put them on the knuckles of his gloves so that it would hurt very much when he punched his victim. It was a stroke of genius, but how would he go about doing it? During that time, Snow put his hand in his pocket to think. And when he took it out, he had the answer. It was a super glue stick that he had kept from that plate fiasco. You can probably guess what happened next. He had Sazh glue them on for him.

Now Sazh knew right where to go. He had his eye on a specific item for some time now, but he never had any reason to purchase it. Why would he need a toy weapon if all he did was go see the opera with his parents and occasionally watch Moogle Ranger cartoons? Today was finally the day he would get his hands on that replica magnum.

"You know," started Snow. "I never asked what exactly your toy does. I mean, mine's obviously meant for punchin'. What does yours do?"

"It's a gun, Snow. What do you think it does?"

"I figured that much out. But what does it shoot? There's a pretty big hole at the end."

"Marshmallows, Snow. Marshmallows."

"That's pretty cool."

"Yup."

"What flavor are they?"

"Regular."

"Those taste good."

"I guess so."

Sensing that his attempt at small talk wasn't working out, Snow decided to change the subject.

"How'd we get to this aisle anyway?"

"I really don't know, Snow. One minute we were walking and the next we're still walking, but in a different aisle."

"You skipped the part where we went under the floor tiles in the toy cars aisle."

"If you knew how we got here, why'd you ask?"

"You know, so we could talk a little."

"Let's just find a way out of here. I think following that light will help."

Onwards they trekked towards the light. The way out seemed so clear, but as they drew closer their hopes vanished. It was just the holiday aisle.

"What are we supposed to do now? Following that light was a terrible idea! I don't want to buy decorations for the Day of Risen Etro when I don't even buy decorations for my own birthday. That's for parents to do." Sazh rambled.

Snow wasn't paying attention. There was a certain round glowy thing in a dark corner that caught his eye. It seemed to beckon to him.

"Hey Sazh. I think we should investimagate over there." said Snow as he pointed to a dark and foreboding section.

"Um… Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I think there's a way out over there. It just feels… right."

"If you say so…"

Snow walked into the darkness towards the glowy thing with Sazh in tow. As they neared their destination, there seemed to be dark and foreboding music in the background that sent vibrations through the ground and progressively got louder.

"Does it feel earthquakey in here, Sazh?"

"Uh… It must be the bass."

"That makes sense."

"So this is it?"

"Yup."

"Dark portal toys…"

"Kind of brings you back to last night, doesn't it?"

"Snow, do we really have to reminisce right now?"

"Now seems appropriate."

_Flashback: Last Night_

"Snow, I think we're going to be up all night."

"What do you mean Sazh? I didn't hear or see anything and I still continue to not hear or see anything out of the ordinary."

At the mention of his words, the dark portal vanished.

"I guess I must've been hearing and seeing things. Well, good night then."

"Yeah, you too."

Just then, both boys were vaulted towards the ceiling. As they fell, a booming voice continued to scare the begeebies out of them.

"_I don't know if it was just me, but I thought I made it very clear that you boys weren't allowed to say good night to each other!"_

"Snow, d-did you hear that?"

"If I denied it, would you believe me?"

"No!"

"Well, then of course I heard it!"

"What are the chances of this stopping?" asked Sazh.

"I say we should just count our blessings and get some rest while things are still normal."

It continued to stay normal for a good thirty minutes. Sazh and Snow were beginning to drift off into their individual dream lands. Things were looking up for them. That is, until Sazh felt something pushing against his shoulder.

"Snow? Is that you? I thought you were sleeping on the floor."

Snow groggily lifted up his head and replied, "What are you talking about? I'm still on the floor."

Snow's discouraging words made Sazh's eyes widen in fear.

"If it wasn't you, then do you think it was lint? Lightning did say something about gravitational forces doing something to lint specifically."

"It's gotta be lint Sazh. Just don't worry about it."

"That's a good idea. I'ma try to get more sleep."

A few minutes later, Snow felt something tugging at his feet.

"Hey man, can you quit doing that?"

There was no reply.

"I'm serious Sazh. You may be awake, but I'm trying to get some sleep."

There was still no reply.

Annoyed, Snow finally opened his eyes to see the horror before him. The dark portal had reopened and there were many figures waiting inside. Looking at his feet, he saw a pair of transparent hands dragging him to his doom.

"_Come on Snow. It's better in here. We're waiting for you."_

Snow tried to scramble to his feet, but all that did was accelerate his body towards the portal. He did the next best thing and clawed at the carpet with all of his might. To his disappointment, he found that his body was already halfway through the portal.

'_This is it.'_ he thought. _'I'm going to be stuck in the other side forever!'_

As luck would have it, he caught hold of the wall.

'_I still have a chance?'_

Using the brute force of his upper body, Snow dragged himself out of the portal. It wasn't easy. He could feel thousands of tiny hands trying to hold him back. The figures in the portal were crying for him to stay. _"Snow, why are you leaving? You just got here!" _they cried. He paid them no mind. His mission was freedom and that's exactly what he got.

Once he was free, the portal instantly closed. Panting heavily, Snow slowly rose to his feet. "Sazh, did you see that?"

"Believe me Snow. I saw everything."

Before Snow was dragged to that portal, Sazh was abruptly taken from the bed and slammed against the wall. His body started to hover upwards until he was positioned evenly in a corner of the ceiling. Slowly he felt his eyes widening. Almost too wide he thought. It felt as if someone fastened hooks underneath his eyelids and tugged at them to the extreme. With his eyes unable to close, Sazh witnessed everything that happened to Snow.

"You sound like you're in a corner Sazh. Where are you?"

"Look up."

Following orders, Snow indeed looked up to see Sazh's predicament.

"How'd your eyelids get peeled back Sazh? And how are you hovering? !"

"If I knew how this was happening, I'd tell you."

"Oh, okay. Good night then."

"What? You're just going to leave me here?"

"Well how am I supposed to get you down? Hmm?"

Sazh could not reply. Maybe it was due to his inability to blink. The world may never know.

"I thought so. Now like I said before, good night."

At the mention of good night, Sazh's body was strewn across the room and fell harshly to the bed. Once his body made contact with the bed, the invisible hooks in his eyelids were magically removed.

"Problem solved…"

"Yeah…"

"_Sazh, Snow, do you think I'm done?"_

"It's just the pipes Snow. Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, Lightning said if our specific names were called out that it was just the pipes."

"_I'll show you pipes!"_

All of a sudden the pipes in the walls broke free and were aimed directly at Sazh and Snow.

"Oh Etro." they said in unison. Shortly after, the pipes came to life with a flood of freezing cold water and drenched both Sazh and Snow. The pipes didn't let up. Cubes of ice were also shot at them. It was like a hail storm. As time passed, the current of water and ice began to slow until, finally, it just stopped all together. In a quick flash, the pipes were pulled back into their original place and they could see the walls repair themselves and the water recede from the room. The room looked as if nothing had happened.

Bruised and battered Sazh and Snow held onto each other and cried. They cried and cried until the sun rose.

_End Flashback_

"Why'd you make me remember that Snow?"

"I don't know why either. That was a horrible memory!"

"I'm surprised we didn't get hyperthermia or at the very least pneumonia. It was all because of that stupid offering table."

"Can't we blame Lightning for this? I mean, she didn't tell us about the offering table or even the ghosts. She tried to pass it off as normal occurrences actually."

"Lightning can never be in the wrong."

"Yeah, I know. It was ridiculous of me to even try."

"So, Snow, what does this dark portal toy do anyway?"

"Well let's see what it says."

_In the event that you are lost in the secret aisles, please press the shiny white button to be teleported to the cash registers._

"That just seems handy! We should try it Sazh."

"I'll try anything as long as it gets us out of here. "

With the okay from Sazh, Snow held onto one of Sazh's arms and pushed the shiny white button. They were instantly teleported to the cashiers just as the toy advertised.

"Gee, I wonder if you can you this at home as a shortcut to the toy store." Snow thought aloud.

_For in store use only._

"Aw shucks."

* * *

><p>-Lightning Aisle 17 Guns and Projectiles-<p>

Lightning knew exactly what she wanted from the moment Fang suggested they play war. She wanted a gunblade. First she took a trip to the rope and fishing rods aisle where she nabbed herself some rope. Then her feet led her to the sharp objects aisle where she picked herself up a good lookin' sword. And here she is now, in the guns and projectiles aisle assembling her freshly picked toy gun of choice and the previously chosen sword while sitting on the floor.

Lightning could have easily gone straight to aisle four and picked up a Guardian Corps replica gunblade, but she didn't easily fall for the government's lies. Lasts forever? Hah, as if. Brings world peace? Pssh. Her mom could do that in an hour. Ties your hair in a perfect ponytail? Her mom could also do that. Basically, her mom is awesome and the government isn't.

"Okay, one more loopy here… And another tight squeeze there… And done! I now have something better than a military issued gunblade. This is a Lightning issued gunblade. That sure did take forever though. All that walking and tying loops took like an hour or something. I should go find my friends now. Well, maybe I should find Serah first. After all, dad did sound pretty serious. Now if I know my sister, she'll be hanging around the cute and cuddly toys. I'll just be on the lookout for teddy bears."

A few minutes later Lightning found herself near the teddy bears and board games aisle.

"Or fish tanks…"

In her search for Serah, Lightning came across a peculiar sight. She found her sister, but the situation…

"Lightning, this is exactly what it looks like. Please stop me."

"So you mean to say that you're going to smash that fish bowl on the ground, step on the glass, and then eat the fish?"

"Yes, I probably will if you don't stop me."

"Serah, if you were that hungry you could have just looked for mom and got something to eat from her bag of wonders."

"Trust me Lightning, I'm not hungry."

"Quit fooling around then! Hurry up and find something you want to buy. You have five minutes. Once I find the others, we're heading to the cash register."

"Yes sister, I will stop fooling around and find a toy to buy." said Serah as she put the fish bowl back.

"Alright then, I'll see you at the register."

On her way to find her other friends, Lightning found a misplaced jar of flarp.

"I'll hold onto this just in case Serah can't find a toy in the next couple of minutes."

* * *

><p>-Back to Serah-<p>

"_Hurry up Serah! Your sister just left. Continue to do what I told you."_

"You have no power over me anymore."

"_Don't tell me you're going to… put me back."_

"There's only one person that I listen to other than artificial intelligence and my parents, Lightning."

"_She didn't say that you couldn't do as I command anymore."_

"But she did say to quit fooling around. That's exactly what I'm doing with you now."

"_That's pretty accurate. I suppose you're going to put me back."_

"No. I forgot what aisle I found you in a long time ago. I'm going to put you on this random shelf and let the employees take care of you."

"_I could just tell you what aisle I came from. I'm not really comfortable being out of my element and all."_

"I don't care. I hope I never see you again. Good-bye."

* * *

><p>-Cash Register-<p>

All seven of the children had made it to the front of the store and stood waiting for Mrs. Farron.

"Man Lightning, where's your mom? All of these lanes are packed except for that eight items or less one. If she doesn't make it here soon, we'll be waiting in line forever." said Hope.

"Okay guys, here's the plan. We're going to go over to that eight items or less lane, have a lady scan our items, because it'll probably be a lady, and then just wait for mom." Lightning replied.

"Wow Light, that's pretty smart. I wish I could have come up with something like that." Fang praised.

"No need for flattery. We should head over to that cashier before a line builds. Oh and Serah."

"What is it?"

"Did you find a toy you wanted?"

"No."

"Well, take this flarp then. I found it on the way over here and thought that maybe you'd want it."

"Thanks Light. It really means a lot." _'No it doesn't. I hate this toy. This is probably the same exact one I used to ruin that old person's day. I will forever be haunted."_

"Glad I could help."

Once they all made it to the register, they formed a neat line with Fang in the front.

"Here you go cashier lady." said Fang.

"Alrighty, one broken broom."

"No, that's a spear and or lance. I only want that part."

"But you have to pay for the whole thing. It's store policy."

"And store policy also states that I pay for what I get. What I'm getting is a spear and or lance."

"Okay, one spear and or lance it is. Next item please."

"That'll be me!" exclaimed Snow. "It's a pair of fightn' gloves."

"Alright, a pair of gloves and eight marbles."

"No, I said they were fightn' gloves."

"A pair of fightn' gloves it is. Next item."

"Here you go miss." said Vanille.

"Three fishing rods and a rope?"

"Nope. That's a binding rod."

"Of course. Next."

"Here." said Lightning.

"May I ask what this is?"

"It's a gunblade."

"Oh, but the store sells these in aisle four you know."

"It's a Lightning issued gunblade."

"One Lightning issued gunblade it is. Next please."

"Here you go ma'am." said Sazh.

"This is pretty normal. It even only has one price tag on it."

"Yes it does."

"Next please."

"It's a boomerang!" exclaimed Hope. "It's pretty safe too."

"Wow, you must have bought the most normal thing there is."

"Oh that's just how I am."

"You seem like a sweet boy. Next please."

"I have something pretty normal. It's flarp." said Serah.

"Flarp is far from normal! Those things can make old people go deaf you know."

"I know ma'am, I know."

"Well, I hope you're happy with your purchase. In total that'll be-"

"Wait!" exclaimed Mrs. Farron. "I have something to buy as well."

"Oh, one customizable teddy bear left uncustomized. Is that all for today?"

"Yes it is."

"That'll be 100,000 gil."

"That's chump change." said Mrs. Farron. "Here's 200,000, keep the change. Come on children, let's leave I can see my husband waiting in the parking lot."

* * *

><p>-1:40pm Farron Household-<p>

The ride back from the toy store was pretty uneventful. Mrs. Farron actually drove the speed limit and only injured one pedestrian. Mr. Farron drove home in silence. He was too chicken to risk another slip up.

Once they got home, everyone filed out of their respective transportation and went inside. From there, Lightning drug out a chest from her room and instructed everyone to put their weapons in it.

"We'll save these for when we play war." said Lightning.

Once all of their weapons were sealed away, a knock was heard on the door. Mrs. Farron opened the door to see the welcomed sights of Mr. and Mrs. Estheim.

"Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Estheim. I assume you're here to collect your son."

"Yes we are. Come along Hope, you need to study your quantum physics."

"Alright. Bye guys." said Hope as he waved good-bye to his friends.

Another knock sounded on the door not even two seconds after Hope left.

"Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Villiers. I suppose you've come to collect your son."

"Yup, that's right. Come on Snow. There's a big pile of laundry with your name on it."

"Okay. Bye friends." said Snow as he departed.

"Man, everyone's leaving so soon." said Lightning.

"Yeah, about that." started Vanille. "I need to go to the tree house and practice my addition. I had a little wakeup call at the toy store."

"Since Vanille is so horrible at addition, I'm going to help her study. See ya Light. Bye Serah." said Fang as she followed Vanille to the tree house.

"And then there were three." said Mr. Farron.

Another knock could be heard at the door.

"I suppose those are you parents Sazh." said Lightning.

"Yeah, I think so."

Sure enough, when Mrs. Farron opened the door, Sazh's parents were on the other side.

"Quick Sazh, there's only an hour until the next opera showing. We need to leave now."

"I'm going with you guys?"

"Yeah, now hurry up or we'll be late."

"Yeah! Bye Lightning. Bye Serah. See ya Monday."

"Bye Sazh." said Lightning and Serah in unison.

As soon as it was just Lightning and Serah left, Mr. Farron called both of his daughters over.

"Come over here girls, I have something for you. Okay Claire, you're first. You see that bag by the door? There's a pair of blue jeans in there for you. Why don't you go upstairs and try them on."

"Thanks dad. I'll go do that." said Lightning.

Once Lightning was upstairs, Mr. Farron turned his attention to his youngest daughter.

"Now Serah, I had a feeling that once you were at the store you wouldn't know what to buy. Did you get something you liked?"

"No dad."

"Well, when I was at the jean store I got something for you. Something about the Moogle Shakers?"

"That's my favorite band dad!"

"Really? Well it just so happens that I got you their latest album."

"Thanks dad! You're the bestest dad ever!"

"I know. I'll see you around kiddo." said Mr. Farron as he went upstairs to check on Lightning.

"Wow. That was the first time dad ever talked normal to me."

* * *

><p>-Lightning's Room-<p>

Lightning was in a bit of a predicament. In the bag there were two pairs of blue jeans. One was a tiny pair of navy blue and the other was a ginormous pair of regular blue jeans.

"Dad did say that he bought me blue jeans. He didn't say anything about navy blue jeans. I guess those are his. Time to put on my new pair of jeans."

Grabbing the ginormous pair of jeans, Lightning went about trying to make them work. On her first attempt, the pants fell straight to the ground.

"I guess that's why they made belts."

Her second attempt was more successful. The pants rose all the way to her chest, but there was still a lot of length past her feet.

"These are a long pair of jeans. Whatever six year old wearing this must be a model. I could just roll them up."

And roll them up she did. To stay she looked ridiculous was an understatement. But this was Lightning Farron. Nothing could ever embarrass her.

"Looks like I'm starting a new trend."

Just then Mr. Farron knocked on the door to check on his daughter.

"Hey Claire, are you done changing?"

"Yeah dad, come on in."

"Let me see how adorable-"

"Do you like 'em dad?"

"What happened to the other pair I bought?"

"Oh I left those in the bag. Those are obviously yours."

"Why would you think that?"

"Well you told me that you bought me a pair of blue jeans. You didn't say anything about navy blue jeans. I concluded that those were yours."

"That makes sense. I don't know what I was thinking. Well, it looks like you're going to start a new trend at school."

"Sure am dad."

"You know, I think it's time for you and Serah to take a nap. I'll go downstairs to tell her. You just go ahead and nap."

"Alright dad."

"See ya later sweetie." said Mr. Farron as he closed the door.

When it was shut he leaned against it in defeat.

'_I have to stop this from happening.'_

* * *

><p><strong>I have no idea what I meant by the word flap. Nothing comes to mind when I say that particular word. Just go with your imaginations. I've also been thinking about accepting cool suggestions. While I have plenty ideas of my own for this story (I'm talkin' lots people) it would be cool to implement some of yours. Hate the idea? Just comment on how much you lovehate this story and be on your merry way. Love the idea? Please send me a pm and then continue to abuse the review button. That is all.**


	6. The Beginnings of a Plan

**Sorry about the long wait. I know I haven't posted since last year, but things happen. So here's chapter six. Oh, you guys remember when I wrote somewhere that this chapter was bring your daughter to work day? I lied. I didn't mean to lie, but it just happened this way. It's still going to happen…next chapter. That could be a lie too… Don't trust what I say… And that war scene is also going to happen later as well. **

* * *

><p>-2:10pm Living Room-<p>

'_Dad finally got me something that I actually like!' _Serah thought to herself. _'Wait a minute… I don't even have a cd player. The only cd players I can think of are the ones in the vehicles! Does this mean I can only listen to my cd when we go somewhere? But Lightning likes to break those! And didn't I promise Sazh that I'd make him one? How in the blazes am I supposed to do that? Did I make…an empty promise? Le gasp!'_

Getting up from her sitting position on the sofa, Serah began to pace back and forth. She instinctively reverted to her old habit of sticking her thumb in her mouth and nibbling on the nail. Once, she tried to use her pinky instead of her thumb. For some reason she was grounded for three days. The reason was something along the lines of only abnormal children use their pinky. Whatever the case, she never tried using her pinky again.

'_When am I going to get over this horrible habit of mine? Oh well. In the meantime… Nibble nibble nibble.' _

Sometimes Serah made sound effects when she was thinking. But it was in this sound effect making that she was struck by a spark of genius. Stopping abruptly to stand rigidly still, Serah came to a conclusion.

'_I think this all leads back to dad… I feel like he's trying to…play some secret game with me. Like Find the Hidden Cd Player! Might as well start playing.'_

Just as she was about to begin her search, Serah saw her father start to descend the stairs.

"You!" she shouted with an accusing finger pointed at him.

Stopping halfway, Mr. Farron saw that his daughter was indeed shouting at him.

"Um… How's it going Serah? You feel angry? Want hug?" replied Mr. Farron.

"Don't try to distract me! I know what you're doing!"

"Oh, you do?"

"Yeah, and I'm going to do something about it!"

'_Serah's going to help me get rid of Claire's ridiculous pants? This is good news then!' _"What are you going to do?" he asked joyfully.

"Oh don't you worry about that dad. I'll find my own way."

'_She's awfully cryptic.' _"Just tell me when you do. I could go for some help right now, but if you want to do it by yourself…"

"Mark my words dad. I will find that hidden cd player!" yelled Serah as she stormed off in the direction of the back yard to find said player.

"Cd player? What's she talking about? There isn't a cd player lying around here. Unless, you count mine, my mother's, my wife's and Claire's. Heck, even Vanille and Fang left their wooden ones here. But other than that, there's not a single cd player to be found. I should disregard that for now. There are more important matters to take care of right now."

With great speed, Mr. Farron made his way to the underground storage facility to discuss his predicament with his wife.

* * *

><p>-2:20pm Underground Storage Facility-<p>

Mrs. Farron was currently in the middle of a life changing event. In front of her was what could be referred to as raw materials in a metallic cylinder shaped object. For some reason she was staring very intently at it, almost as if she was trying to will it into action. Just as things were starting to "heat up", her husband came marching through the door.

"Dearest wife, are you busy? There's an emergency at hand!" exclaimed Mr. Farron.

"No, I was just trying to learn how to cook."

"Oh, okay. So you _weren't_ doing anything important. Let's talk about my stuff."

"Okay sweetie." _'Thank Etro! I don't think I could have handled doing that anymore. That was like an eternity! I'm not even going to attempt to do that for another five years at least. Or maybe tomorrow would be good…'_

"So here's the lay down. While you guys were at the toy store today I went to the store across the street to buy Claire a pair of pants and a cd for Serah. I also bought a pair of pants for myself as well."

"Wait a hot minute there! You bought Serah a cd? You know Claire's going to break that once it touches the player in the car. And she doesn't even have a player of her own!"

"Yeah, well I thought it would last long enough to distract her for the rest of the day. I mean it kind of worked. Last time I saw her she was storming off towards the back yard. I can only assume she's digging large holes in the back to hide it. It is pretty shiny."

"That seems pretty reasonable. Continue with your story."

"Yes, my story. When we got home, I told Claire that I bought her a pair of blue jeans. She looked in the bag and saw a pair of navy blue jeans, which were hers, and a pair of normal blue jeans, which were mine. Do you know which ones she picked?"

"I would only assume that she picked the blue ones dear."

Mr. Farron was baffled. "What do you mean the blue ones?"

"Well, you only told her that the _blue_ ones were hers. If I were Claire, I'd assume that the _navy_ blue ones couldn't possibly be mine."

"But they were obviously way too big for her!" Mr. Farron tried to reason.

"It doesn't matter dear, it's your words that led her astray. She trusted them to be true, but in the end they were misleading. This is all your fault."

"It shouldn't matter whose fault it is. The problem is that Claire is planning to wear them on Monday!"

"Aren't the girls only allowed to wear khaki shorts?"

"Yes, but the thing is she got a uniform pass."

Ah, the uniform pass. Only the students who accomplished a great feat were granted one. With a uniform pass, the pass holder is allowed to wear anything they want for the day as long as it was appropriate. All Lightning had to do to acquire one was to make sure Fang didn't do anything weird for an entire school day. It was the hardest thing she ever did.

"What are we going to do about it then?" asked Mrs. Farron.

"We could spend all of tomorrow trying to coax her out of it."

"That sounds like a plan."

Silence immediately filled the room.

"So I'm just going to leave now that I'm done with my story and all." said Mr. Farron as he was turning around.

"Wait! It's only 2:30ish. We should do something. I mean, we're married after all."

"Do something like what?"

"Well, there's this thing that I've wanted to try for a while but I haven't had the nerve." said Mrs. Farron as she turned away with a blush.

"What exactly is this thing that you wanted to… try out?" asked Mr. Farron as he inched his way closer to his wife.

"Well…" started Mrs. Farron as she pulled out a portable computer. "I've always wanted to be a troll on the internet."

"You mean, you've never done that before?"

"No. I've always been kind and courteous to everyone I've encountered online!"

'_Oh Etro… She's a noob!'_ "I could give you a few pointers if you'd like. Which website would you like to troll on?"

"I've always wanted to check out that hiyaonline site. I heard it's very popular. Do you have an account we could use?"

"Of course…" _'Oh shoot! She can't find out my secret trolling account!' _"not… Let's make a new one. What should our user name be?"

"It should represent us as a couple. How about NonCreepyMarriedCouple?"

"Um… Wouldn't people just assume the opposite?"

"Aw shucks that was silly of me. How about CreepyMarriedCouple? Then if they tried to assume the opposite of that, we'd go right back to being the NonCreepyMarriedCouple, the intended username."

'_She's got to be kidding…'_ "That some good logic honey, but why don't we just drop the 'Creepy' altogether."

"Then we'd just be a married couple. When people think the opposite of that name, they'd assume we're not married!"

Playing along with her twisted logic, Mr. Farron replied, "Oh no! We wouldn't want anyone to assume that!"

"Exactly!" exclaimed Mrs. Farron.

"So what _should _our username be?"

"It should be classy…"

"Uh-huh."

"Awesome…"

"Yes yes."

"And it should be inconspicuous so nobody could ever guess who we are."

"I agree."

"I've got it!"

"Oh you do?"

"It will be…" After a pause for dramatic effect, Mrs. Farron continued. "We'reNotTheFarrons."

'_It could be worse.' _"That sounds lovely. Let's enter a random chat room and analyze the conversation."

"Okay, uh, let's do that."

"First thing's first, turn on the computer and select an internet browser. I like to use Internet Adventurer."

"Do we have to use _that _browser? I mean, there are other ones."

"Fine, let's use Madzilla Icemammal."

"What? Who downloaded that one? It sounds like I'll get a disease by just clicking on it."

"I think I let Serah borrow your computer the other day. She said something about a 'cool new internet browser' but I wasn't paying any mind to her simplistic speech."

"Let's use my favorite, Moogle Monochrome. It's a lot easier to use than the other ones."

"I beg to differ. I feel that Jungle Expedition gets the job done faster."

Mrs. Farron gave him the stink eye. "We're going to use Moogle Monochrome."

"Yes dear."

And so the Farrons went to to build their online profile. When it came to choosing the gender, Mrs. Farron was puzzled.

"Why can't you choose both of them? I mean, we're two people."

"Well…" started Mr. Farron. "That's the glory of it. You can get a female avatar and dress it up as a man."

"Or I can get a male avatar and dress it up as a woman!"

"Uh…just stick with the female avatar for now. I mean you are a noob and all."

"I guess you have a point, but what is a noob?"

"You're just proving my point."

"What? Is it like a goob? A moob? A b-"

"Don't even finish that sentence."

"I was just going to say a b-"

"No."

"A b-"

"Nu-uh."

"Bologna…"

"Were you really going to say that?"

"No…"

"Then what were you really going to say?"

"You won't let me."

"I knew it!"

"Boob."

Mr. Farron sighed. "So you said it anyway."

"Yes, yes I did. What's so wrong with that particular word?"

"Nothing really. It's just a bit imma-"

"Hmm? What was that?"

"A bit imma-"

"Are you trying to say something?"

"This is payback isn't it?"

"Why yes it is. Now why don't you say we start trolling?" said Mrs. Farron as she logged onto a random chat room on .

**GoldMoogleRanger: **How's the weather?

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **It's pretty gloomy… makes me kind of depressed.

**I'mNot7: **Yeah it does that sometimes. Weather is so overrated.

'_This is perfect!' _thought Mr. Farron. "Why don't you ask something ridiculous about the weather?"

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **What's weather?

**I'mNot7: **…you're kidding, right?

**GoldMoogleRanger: **You don't know what weather is?

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Yeah…I'm pretty stupid so….do you know?

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Someone please tell this idiot what weather is.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Weather is based on the clouds' mood. Like when it is rainy or dark, that means they are sad and sometimes they even take a vacation and the sun parties all by itself.

**I'mNot7: **That's a stupid answer!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **I'd like to see you come up with something better!

**I'mNot7: **Weather is the state of the atmosphere, to the degree that is hot or cold, wet or dry, calm or stormy, clear or cloudy.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **That looks suspiciously like the entry for weather from FalseInfoPedia.

**I'mNot7: **Is not!

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Totally is!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **I second that!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Okay guys, just settle down. I at least know what weather is now.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **No, this kid is trying to say my definition of weather sucks when he copied his from another website. From the title, it seems to be a very unreliable site.

"They're all arguing now!" said Mrs. Farron.

"That's good, you want them to argue. It brings us one step closer to the desired outcome." replied Mr. Farron.

"And what's that?"

Stopping for a dramatic pause, Mr. Farron stared at the computer screen and slowly began to rub his hands together before turning his head sharply to look at his wife. "The destruction of the human mind."

"Oh that's a nice goal."

"Yes. Now let's see what they're doing now. We've been 'silent' for a while."

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Yeah, well, your mother's a bigger one!

**I'mNot7: **Nuh-uh!

**SuspciousOldPerson: **Yeah-huh!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Well you guys know what?

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **What?

**I'mNot7:** What?

**GoldMoogleRanger: **I bet you guys don't wash your hands!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **You know what? I don't wash my hands.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **What?

**I'mNot7: **Gross!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Eww!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Don't be so mean! My parents never taught me how to wash my hands! I've just been going through my er…young life with cooties on my hands.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Really, that's sad.

**I'mNot7: **Man, cooties are the worst!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **I feel sorry for you.

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Thanks guys, for all of this sympathy. It's not like I was trying to get an emotional response out of you or anything. Oh, and uh…Moogle Rangers suck!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **What?

**I'mNot7: **Yeah, it does!

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **I hate that show.

**I'mNot7: **Fo sho!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Well you know what I'mNot7, I bet you _are _seven!

**I'mNot7: **Nuh-uh! You're probably like five or six!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Nuh-uh! I'm thirty-five!

**I'mNot7: **Then what are you doing in a chat room meant for kids?

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Yeah?

**GoldMoogleRanger: **And how old are _you _SuspiciousOldPerson? You seem suspiciously old!

**SuspiciousOldPerson:** …I'm eleven.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **And how old are you I'mNot7, if you're really not seven?

**I'mNot7: **I'm uh…uh, ten?

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Oh well I'm really….uh….twelve!

**I'mNot7: **How old are you We'reNotTheFarrons?

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **I'm glad you asked. I'm thirteen years old. That means that I own this chat room!

**I'mNot7:** And you don't know what 'weather' is?

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Hey! I said I was older than you, not smarter than you.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **We all have really good grammar for people in our age group.

**I'mNot7: **That sounded suspiciously like a topic change, SuspiciousOldPerson.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Did not! Uh… Moogle Rangers still suck!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Oh! We're going back to that subject huh? Well you know what, your mom!

**I'mNot7: **What about my mom huh? I'll have you know she is a very nice lady!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to SuspiciousOldPerson!

**I'mNot7: **Oh, so you're not talking to me now?

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **I'll talk to all of you.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **That's very nice but, I need to teach this bozo to respect his elders!

**I'mNot7: **Respect my elders? We probably all lied about our age, I mean, for all you know I could really be seven and you could really be four!

**GoldMoogleRangers: **I already said that but you said you were ten! And I'm not four!

**I'mNot7: **I still am ten!

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Just to join in, I'm uh, still eleven guys.

"Okay, now we have to get them to go off the deep-end." said Mr. Farron. "You have to get them all against you."

"Against me? I just made it so they're all against each other!" protested Mrs. Farron.

"It doesn't matter! As long as you're getting the desired emotional response, you shouldn't care."

"So what should we do to make them go over the edge?"

"Try saying you're married to someone famous; people find that very hard to believe, and they will criticize you for it."

"Ah, I got you! I have the perfect person in mind!"

"Who?"

"You'll see."

**I'mNot7: **I bet you don't even wear clean clothes to school!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Uh-uh! Don't you even get me started on the cleanliness of my clothing!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Um, I'm sorry to interrupt your arguing but I have an announcement…I'm married to Cid Raines.

**I'mNot7: **What?

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **I find that very hard to believe!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Oh yeah? Well if you are married to him, then what's his middle name?

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **That's a touchy subject guys.

**I'mNot7: **It's a touchy nothing! That just means you're lying to us!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **I am _so_ married to Cid Raines!

**SuspiciousOldPerson:** Well if you're married to Cid Raines then you must be rich!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **That is correct.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Then if you're rich that means you can buy everything on this site.

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Yes, that is also correct.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Well then, I am going to write a list with everything I want and send it to you. Then you can send me all of that stuff and it will prove you're married to Cid Raines!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Hey, I said I was rich. I never said I was generous.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Quit lying to everybody! Just say it already, "I'm a liar."

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **I'm not lying! Why won't anybody believe me?

**I'mNot7:** I know a way to settle this. I did it before and I'll do it again!

At this point Mr. Farron was on his own laptop because he thought ahead. He was on FalseInfoPedia editing the information for Cid Raines.

"Say we met on a long walk at the beach! And that my ring is made of, uhh, ahh, umm…my ring's awesome!" exclaimed Mrs. Farron.

"I'm way ahead of you." Mr. Farron replied smoothly.

"Ooh, where'd we get married?"

"You guys got married in the Chocobo stables at Nautilus."

"That's weird!"

"He's a weird guy…well, according to me anyway."

**I'mNot7: **It says he's married to…We'reNotTheFarrons.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **What? That's your real name?

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Yeah, aren't your names SuspiciousOldPerson, I'mNot7 and GoldMoogleRanger?

**I'mNot7: **No!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **But it said "Usyername:"

**I'mNot7: **No! It said "Username"; you're just too old to see it! You lied to us, you're not thirteen! And if you are then that would make Cid a bad man!

**GoldMoogleRanger:** You lied to us this whole time?

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Yeah, you know what? I think you did know what weather was and how to wash your hands!

**We'reNotTheFarrons:** Well, I only have one thing to say to you guys…you've just been trolled!

All conversation was stilled. Mrs. Farron was expecting some insane reactions but…

"What's the matter? They're taking a long time to respond." Mrs. Farron asked.

"Just give them some time to digest this information." Mr. Farron replied.

After a few moments of "silence" all three users replied at the same time.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Oh, well you fooled me!

**I'mNot7: **I was totally fooled!

**GoldMoogleRanger: **So, if your name is We'reNotTheFarrons I guess we should give you our names, I'll go first. My name's Snow.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **My name is Barthandelus.

_I'mNot7 has left the chat room._

**GoldMoogleRanger: **What a baby!

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **So how's it like being married to Cid Raines?

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Yeah, it must be awesome and adventurous!

**We'reNotTheFarrons: **Well you know it's umm, err…I've got to go now!

_We'reNotTheFarrons has left the chat room._

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **So, I guess we're the only ones left in this chat room…

**GoldMoogleRanger: **So it seems.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **I like your name Snow.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Thanks! My mom just made it up one day. I don't know what inspired her though.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **You got a last name to go with that?

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Well sure I do mister!

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **And, uh, would you be willing to give me your street address?

**GoldMoogleRanger: **You want to know where I live?

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **Yes and while you're at it you should tell me when your parents aren't home, leaving you unattended.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **You're starting to sound really…weird.

**SuspiciousOldPerson: **All I want is to be good friends with you and visit your house as soon as possible.

**GoldMoogleRanger: **Eh… I'm just gonna go now. It was nice talking to you?

_GoldMoogleRanger has left the chat room._

**SuspiciousOldPerson: ***sigh* Another missed opportunity…

After closing her laptop, Mrs. Farron turned around to look at her husband. "So…how'd I do?"

"Well…" Mr. Farron started. "Your introduction into the conversation was flawless. You played the innocent fool part very nicely. They thought that they were helping some poor idiot but little did they know that was part of your trap. You got them to turn against each other and to turn against you. The only thing that brought your troll grade down was the sloppy finale you executed! You've just been trolled? Might as well have told them that you were a troll from the beginning!"

"…So what's my grade?"

"I'm proud to say that you have earned yourself a C-!"

Mrs. Farron was crestfallen. "A C-? But I did so well! You even said so yourself!"

"Take it in stride wife! You could have done way better. Heck, you didn't even get yourself banned!"

"You can get yourself banned from trolling?"

"Yeah. And then what you can do from there is create a totally new account, log onto a random chat room from the same site, and then proceed to whine and complain about how you were banned for a seemingly stupid reason. After you've successfully gained enough sympathy you can then call yourself a better troll."

"It seems like I still have a lot to learn…" said a dismayed Mrs. Farron.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, you did a good job."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah…"

* * *

><p>-4:30pm Backyard-<p>

"I'm in a dark place… It's cold here… Am I going to be trapped forever?"

It seemed like Serah was talking to no one. In fact, she was talking to no one. She was in quite the predicament though. You see, in her search for the hidden cd player she had dug some very big holes. In her mind there were many, but in reality there were only three. They were each about six feet in depth. How she managed such a feat was a mystery in itself considering she was afraid of stepping in anything deeper than the tub.

"Did I mention that I'm stuck down here _and_ have the rumbles in my tummy? Oh yeah, I said that about two minutes ago... Man it's hard talking to myself. I just don't care what I'm trying to tell me." She sighed before continuing. "It's as if I'm actually trying to talk to someone else and hope that _they_ save me. Of course that isn't what I'm doing...but it couldn't hurt to try." And so she tried and tried her mightiest to get somebody to come save her.

At the same time...

-Serah's Bedroom-

"Fang, I don't think she has any in here."

"Nonsense Vanille!"

"Just because she's five doesn't mean she has a stash of candy hidden in her room somewhere." said Vanille as she flipped over Serah's mattress. _'Well, at least I don't. I bury mine.'_

"And I said that's nonsense Vanille! Now help me bring this dresser to the ground!"

"Don't you think we should take out the drawers first? So when it does fall to the ground it won't make a big kaboom."

"That makes sense... I guess we should do that."

Upon opening the first drawer, Fang and Vanille were delighted to see that the candy was there. Serah believed in hiding things in the most obvious of places because people didn't normally look there. Unfortunately for her, Fang and Vanille weren't so normal.

"Well lookie what we found here! Good thing you suggested takin' out them drawers or I would have smashed her dresser to pieces!" exclaimed Fang as she began to stuff her pouch with the newly found candy.

"-elp!"

Ceasing her actions, Fang turned to Vanille with a puzzled expression. "Hey, Vanille, what's an elp?"

"I can only assume it's an animal or some ungodly creation. I'm going with the former. Or did I mean the latter?" Vanille tried to make sense of what she was trying to say before calling it quits. "These terms are so hard to use!"

"I could've sworn that I heard the word elp resonating from the backyard, but I guess I was just hearing things."

"-elllp!"

"Hey Fang, you weren't hearing things! I just heard it too!"

"I told you! What's the mystery behind this elp word?"

"I don't know, but now that I think about it this "elp" sounds a bit like-"

"Hellllp!"

"Yeah that's it! Help!"

Fang went to the window and peered outside. "I only see three big holes out there."

"Maybe, just maybe," started Vanille. "the holes are the ones asking for help."

"If that's the case let's go check it out." Fang looked around the room a minute before settling on exiting through the window. "I think the window's the only way out of here."

"Fang, there's a door."

Ignoring Vanille, Fang continued to think aloud. "But the glass is in the way."

"You know, we could just use the door that happens to be ajar." said Vanille as she pointed to the open door.

"I think I might have to break it."

"Come on Fang! All you need to do is just kind of _lift it up_. No need to be shattering glass."

"Too late Vanille."

"You already broke it? I didn't hear a thing!"

"I was expecting a loud noise too, but I guess it was that high-tech sound proof glass. You know, the ones that make it so burglars don't disturb the households they're burglin' from."

"That doesn't sound right…" said a doubtful Vanille.

"No no no, it's a real thing Vanille. I forgot the name…what was it called?" Giving her noggin a good thump, Fang came up with the answer. "Burglar glass! That's what it's called! These guys bought burglar glass."

"If you say so…"

"Of course I say so! Now come on, at least one of those holes need help! They could be drowning while we're standing here! I mean, it _was_ pretty dewy this morning."

With that they bounded out of the window to find out what in Cocoon was wrong with the holes.

"So, which one do you think needs help?" asked Vanille.

"I don't know. Let's ask them." Fang stopped for a moment to clear her throat. "Ahem! Attention giant holes in the ground. Which one of you has asked for our help? Hole number one? Hole number two? Or was it hole number three?"

"Um… Which one is hole number three?" asked Serah from her current position.

"Well, I don't know. Why don't you do something that says, "I'm hole number three!"

"Okay, I'll throw this rock." After a silent moment, a rock could be seen coming out of one of the holes.

Was it mentioned that Serah dug all three holes with just a rock? It was pretty amazing stuff. That backyard had no chance against Serah and her rock.

"Oh I'm so sorry! That was hole number two!"

"Well hole number two needs help!" exclaimed Serah.

"Actually," started Vanille. "I think hole number three asked for help first."

"Wait, what do you mean Vanille?" asked Fang.

"Yeah!" exclaimed Serah. "What _do_ you mean?"

"I know you saw it too Fang! Before the rock came flying out of hole number two, a leaf fell into hole number three. Remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"That counts as a sign?" asked Serah.

"Oh most things count as signs to us hole number two. We just choose not to comment on them most of the time." replied Vanille.

"Like what?"

"You see this grass here?"

"I know what grass looks like…"

"Well it's growing and that's totally a sign of an oncoming drought."

"I don't think we get those…"

"Oh don't you worry about it, it will happen."

"Sure… What _else _counts as a 'sign'?"

"The moving clouds in the sky."

"What do clouds have to do with anything?"

"Since they're _moving_ and all, that's a sign for the oncoming arrival of the supreme evil dark lord who once ruled these lands. What are these lands called again?"

"Cocoon."

"Ah yes, Cone."

"It's Co-coon." said Serah emphasizing the syllables.

"Oh okay, C-cone."

"I'm pretty sure you've said Cocoon before. It sort of feels like you're pulling my leg."

"Oh! _Cocoon_! Well anyway, that dark lord is bound to rule over this place any minute now."

"Well, hoopla to the dark lord! I've been cloud watching all of my life and I have never seen any signs of any dark lord. What, is he taking his time?"

"Of course. He is a pretty hefty guy. He probably stops at every intergalactic coffee house there is and orders the soy latte along with the house special. Then he most likely summons the manager to complain about how the hash browns taste like kitty litter. Yup, any minute now."

"Um, Vanille? Sorry to interrupt your conversation with hole number two but I think hole number three is awaiting our assistance. Its leaf did fall in first and that was a while ago." said Fang.

"Oh! Sorry hole number two, but Fang's right. We need to see what's up with the other hole first."

"Come on!" cried Serah, but she was ignored.

Fang and Vanille happily trekked over to the other hole with high hopes of rescuing the day. Or something like that.

Fang kneeled down and shouted into the hole, "Hey hole number three! Are you okay? Do you need some help?"

"…"

"Oh, silent treatment huh?"

"…"

"I guess you don't want help then…with your cold shoulder and all. I'm gonna go help out hole number two now. See you later hole number _rude_."

"Hey Fang, you think I could help out hole number two since you helped out that other hole?"

"Well, I didn't really get to help it since it was being so rude but I _guess_ you can help out hole number two."

"Oh thank you Fang!" exclaimed Vanille as she hopped off to aid hole number two.

"Is it my turn yet?" cried Serah.

"Why yes it is. What can I do for you today?"

"Well, I need some help so…"

"Alrighty! That can be arranged. What kind of help?"

"I want to be out of this hole."

"What do you mean out of this hole? You are a hole silly."

"No… I'm a person."

"Well you're made of dirt so there's no way you can be a person."

"Nope, I'm a person. If you'd come and look in this hole you'd see that I'm telling the truth."

"I kind of don't believe you."

"Well, if you'd come over here you'd see that it's me."

"Who's me?"

"Why don't you come find out?"

"Tempting offer hole number two or shall I say _person _number two?" _'Why am I being so stubborn? Usually I'd jump at the chance to believe someone. Why just the other day I believed I would get a great deal on a two for one special at the market. That didn't happen. I should have known better than to trust that guy in the oversized cat suit dragging himself around the market place handing out expired coupons for Wayne's Chili Palace where they sell nothing but chili. I should've known better! It was a coupon for broccoli! But me believing that I was gonna get a great deal went to Wayne's Chili Palace anyway and what do you know, they don't sell broccoli!' _Vanille took a short moment to catch her mind's breath. '_Maybe that's why I'm being so stubborn. I can't trust people anymore, let alone holes pretending to be people! This is making me question my identity. Who am I? What am I? Is there a duality to this situation that I should be aware of? Am I too a hole?' _

"Are you going to help me or not?" cried a now impatient Serah.

"Hold on! I'm still thinking _person_ number two." _'Now where was I? Wayne's Chili… Broccoli… Identity… Oh yeah! Who am I? Or rather what am I? Am I really just a hole blind to the prospect that I'm not really a person. _Vanille began to sing in her head:

'_Am I a hooole, or am I a human?_

_(Am I a human?)_

_If I'm a hole, then I'm a human of a hole._

_(A human of a hole.)_

_Am I a humaaan or am I a hole?_

_(Am I a hole?)_

_If I'm a human, that makes me a very pretty human.'_

"Whelp that settles it, I'm human. A _very_ pretty human I might add."

"Are you done yet?" asked Serah.

"Fine, what is it?"

"You know, you're supposed to rescue me comma I'm a human."

"And I believe you." said Vanille with a fierce conviction.

"That's great! Now how about you make good on your word to help me out of here?"

"Fang! Help me rescue whoever is in this hole!"

"Alright, just give me your legs and I'll lower you down."

Vanille did as she was told and began her descent into the hole. When she finally saw who was stuck down there her face went pale with guilt. "Serah?"

"The one and only."

"You were the one asking for help the whole time?"

"Yeah."

"You're not a hole?"

"Negatory."

"Fang, pull me back up…"

"Wait! What about me?" exclaimed a now desperate Serah.

"I'll be back." said Vanille as she disappeared from view.

"Why'd I have to pull you back up Vanille?"

"It's Serah." whispered Vanille.

"Uh, come again?" Fang whispered back.

"I-it's Serah. She's down there." said Vanille in a slightly louder whisper.

"You mean…"

"Yes Fang, we're what the Cocoonians call idiots."

"So all this time, it wasn't a hole?"

"Nope."

"What do we do now?"

Vanille couldn't help but to smack Fang across her face.

"Hey! What was that for?"

"What do we do now? We go help her! Lower me back down Fang."

"Whatever miss demanding." said Fang as she re-lowered Vanille back into the hole.

Serah watched as Vanille came ever closer to her. "You came back like you said you would!"

"Of course I did, now grab a hold of my hands."

Once Serah grabbed Vanille's hand Fang started lifting them both up with a little bit of difficulty. "You know Vanille, you're kind of heavy."

'_What!'_ exclaimed Vanille in her thoughts. _'What's she talking about? Is she inferring what I think she is? Sweet baby Etro, she's got an earful just waiting for her when I get up there.'_

* * *

><p><em>Meanwhile…<em>

Mrs. Farron had emerged from the underground storage facility with one thing in mind, Serah.

'_My Serah senses are tingling. Something has gone amiss. It couldn't hurt to go check on her.'_ thought Mrs. Farron on her way towards her daughter's room. "Serah, is there something wrong?" she asked as she pushed open the door and peeked inside.

…

"What went on in here? There's a flipped over mattress, clothes are everywhere, her dresser is missing a drawer, and her not so secret candy stash is missing." Turning to her left, Mrs. Farron saw the window. "And her window is broken. I guess the burglar glass really does work, I was not disturbed."

Letting out a big sigh, Mrs. Farron began tidying up the room. _'Serah only has one window. Should I take it away? This was her first offense though. I guess I could let it slide… But that means I have to buy more burglar glass. Oh well, anything for my youngest daughter.'_

Once everything was in order, Mrs. Farron retreated back into the underground storage facility.

"You know, I forgot why I went up there in the first place…"

Mrs. Farron just shrugged it off and turned to her husband. "So about Claire…"

* * *

><p><em>Back in the backyard…<em>

Fang had finally lifted both Serah and Vanille out of the hole but she was in for a bit of trouble.

"So Fang, what was that thing you said about me being heavy?"

"You heard that?" said Fang sheepishly. "Well, since you asked, you are getting a bit heavy Vanille."

"Oh please go on."

"Um… I'm sure there's a reason for it such as… You had a big breakfast today!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It just builds up and you also didn't go to the restroom today!"

"That's kind of personal Fang…"

"Yeah and with the buildup of a big breakfast and you not releasing it via restroom time-"

"Can we stop talking about this now?"

"No no, let me finish. Both of those factors may have attributed to a minor percentage of weight gain." said Fang as she nodded to herself. "Oh and you eat a lot."

"Fang, you do know that I was holding onto Serah as well."

"Oh well maybe she's the pudgy one."

"Hey!" exclaimed Serah. "I'll have you know my diet is filled with nothing but junk food and I have yet to gain an ounce!"

"Can we just agree that none of us are pudge monsters? I mean we're still kids and all. We shouldn't be worrying about stuff like that." said Vanille.

"Okay, but you can't say I didn't warn you." said Fang.

"Say Serah, now that we're off _that _subject, what'd you do with all of the dirt you dug up?" asked Vanille.

"You see that new sandbox over yonder?" said Serah pointing over to the newly made structure.

"That's a sandbox?" asked Fang.

"Yeah… I meant for the dirt to dry up in the sun, but it sort of looks like a garden plot."

"That's what Fang and I thought it was." said Vanille.

"It might as well be…"

"Phew. That's a relief because we already planted it." said Vanille.

"How?"

"If you wanna know how you're gonna have to look that up yourself. When on the other hand is a different story. It was between the time we hopped out of your window and asked the holes if they needed any help."

They were really fast workers.

"Speaking of holes again, why were you digging those gigantic holes?"

"I was looking for…" Serah paused to think. "the hidden cd player!" And so she took off to continue her quest.

"Well bye Serah." said Vanille sarcastically.

"Rude much." added Fang. "We should've never saved her."

"Yeah, but what's done is done."

"Hey, you wanna go wake up Lightning?" asked Fang.

"Yeah. I do."

"Let's go get some acorns then."

* * *

><p>Underground Storage Facility<p>

"What about Claire?" asked Mr. Farron.

"You know the thing with the pants."

"Oh yeah! We're still going through with the plan tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, we're so going through with that plan tomorrow. And it's going to happen tomorrow. It's not like I'm going to do something that's going to postpone it until Monday or anything." said Mrs. Farron.

"Yeah… I'm going to go take a nap now. I'll see you later."

"Bye honey!" said Mrs. Farron as he walked back to the house.

As soon as he was gone, Mrs. Farron activated the locking mechanism for the underground storage facility. With that done she walked over to a control panel and punched in a code that would put everyone in the house above the facility in hyper sleep. "I'm not doing that Lightning thing tomorrow; I've got some cooking to finally learn how to do. This pants business can wait until Monday."

* * *

><p><strong>I totally kind of ripped that song off from the muppets… So what'd you guys think? Bad? Good? Or are you dead from laughter? Did you miss Lightning? I kind of did… But anyhoo feel free to express your thoughts with that there review button. There is joy in the pushing of buttons, especially those marked with the word review. <strong>


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